Yeah. Well, it’s the ‘funny’ one. Alien Resurrection. I’ve not watched this in years because I didn’t like it then. Here’s hoping it’s matured with age. Like wine. Or cheese. Or Christmas cake. Or I can’t think of anything else.

WIN_20140916_202856

So, yeah, screw you trying to think of 10 original Alien/Predator themed photos. Meh. Eat bananas, folks, they’re good for you.

Tonight I am watching the 2003 Special Edition, although I sincerely doubt it will be in any way special. Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t know about you, but my fridge is pretty damn boring. Gem won’t let me have any awesome cool fridge magnets, and as such all my Batman logos and Autobot symbols and inexplicable mini cheese grater magnets have to live in my mancave magnetted onto the side of my lamp.

Well, things are about to change now that I’ve got me some PicStick customised fridge magnets, featuring my face, my girls’ faces and Gem’s incredibly grumpy fridge magnet fascist face. I’m gonna decorate my fridge and make it awesome.

Fridge magnets

Yes, I do have a very sexy fridge, thank you for saying.

So, yeah, simply pop across to picstick.com and for just nine and a half of your Great British Pounds (or 14.99 of your dirty American dollars) you get 9, yes NINE, fancy glossy magnets made from whatever photos you so desire.

Now, for some reason, Gem got in a fuss about photos of her face or the girls’ faces appearing on my blog, so only I can only show you one magnet. Be warned though, it’s damn sexy.

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After that little dirty delve into the world of Predator and Predator bloody 2, we now return to Alien, and the ‘depressing one’.

ALIEN 3. Because I don’t know how to do a ‘cube’ little 3. And it’s not called Alien Cubed anyway so that’s bloody daft.
I already miss Newt. mostly.

alien 3

Tonight, I’m watching the 2003 Special Edition, because it is slightly more lovely than the studio-interfered-with Theatrical edition. Also the alien pops out of a cow.

THE PLOT!
So… after the last film ended all happy and everyone went to sleep, well it turns out that it didn’t end happy and everyone dies except Ripley. She ends up on a prison planet full of horny monk prisoners and goes about pissing them off until an alien shows up and starts killing everyone. They don’t have any guns to fight back so they basically bicker and argue until Ripley tells them to stop being silly and then she discovers she has an alien in her tummy and then they have a fight with the alien and then a bloke who looks like Bishop shows up and Ripley is annoyed so jumps into some lava and she dies and that’s obviously the end of the franchise. Oh.

WHY IT IS GOOD!
The alien effects are still quite good, especially the first appearance of a CGI one! Gaffer off of the Tetley tea adverts is in it! Manky Bishop Heed! BALDNESS! Paul McGann, the hipster’s Doctor Who of choice is in it! Charles Dance is creepy as fuck, despite being lovely! Everyone is British and awesome! Awesome set design makes everything look so big and massive! Despite being dark as hell, it’s still fairly fun! The religion stuff is fairly bonkers creepy! I’d forgotten how good this special edition was!

WHY IT IS BAD!
It’s soooo depressing! Newt and Hicks die :-(! Everything is soooooooo brown! Some of the scares come across as clichéd jumps and shocks! BALDNESS! The change in tone between Aliens and this is particularly jarring on a first viewing! The theatrical version is rushed and messy and fairly pointless!

RATING ON THE FUDGECRUMPET SCALE OF AWESOMENESS!
9.3/12!
(Theatrical Version would probably be a high 7)

So, now we’ve definitely peaked with the whole Alien and Predator franchise, let’s begin that slightly lumpy downhill slope with Predator 2.
See how I have recreated Stan Winston’s awesome Predator special effects using ham, tic tacs and a multi-pack of cheap noodles.

Uncanny, isn't it?

Uncanny, isn’t it?

Yes. It is uncanny. Shush, I had to eat the ham because it was gonna go off tomorrow, also I have to give you some reason to click the link to this blog from facebook or whatever, and who wants to see me looking bored holding a blu-ray box? Nobody. That’s who. Well, maybe the beard pervert ladies of a certain age. But they’re not going to be interested in Predator 2, so that’s why. Shut up, it’s starting.

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Much to the annoyance of some of my twitter minions, I’m not going to do all the Alien films in a row, I’m gonna stick to my guns and keep this an Aliens & Predator marathon type thang. So, next on the fuzzy-chronological list, well….

Who has two thumbs and is about to watch Predator?

This Guy!!!!

This Guy!!!!

Oh yeah, it’s like I made my shitty temporary phone do something cool on purpose. Still, it’s less shitty than the even shittier temporary temporary phone i had. I miss my good funky phone, despite it’s dead-in-an-hour battery life. Anyway, I digress and as soon as I’ve eaten something I digest…

“Get yourself into the helicopter!”
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Back again, into the world of the spooky cock monster and it’s spider cuddle mothers. Mostly.

Quite proud of my cosplay in the photo for this one. Yeah me. Mostly.

Get Away From Her, You Cheeky Bugger

Get Away From Her, You Cheeky Bugger

Right then, I just found a Mars bar in the cupboard so I’m happy. Let’s DO THIS THING! Tonight I am watching the Director’s Cut version, which kinda sends my viewing order of the Alien and Predator films a bit skew-wiffy because this is a 1991 version of the 1986 film and Predator is 1987 so yeah, it’s all so confusing and fuck it I’ve got a whisk and there’s a garden chair on my head. Mostly.

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I think I promised an Aliens/Predator movie night marathon a while back, and as much as I enjoy lying to you all, there’s bugger all else on telly this week, so here you go.

Movie Number One. Alien. The 1979 Theatrical release because the 2003 Director’s cut has too many stupid new bits that fudge up the franchise continuity. Also there’s a bloody Ridley Scott introduction and he can fuck right off. Sat there, saying how good he is. Shut up Ridley. With your downtrodden face.

Anyway. Alien.

Alien

Also, while you’re there, see how I made a place for the ironing board to go on the door to my mancave? That’s my Automotive Engineering degree in action, that is. No you shut up.

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