When an author dies, you can hardly expect them to keep writing. Usually being dead means they’re much too lazy to fulfil word quotas or even to bother typing stuff up. Well, not Dr Seuss.

The writer of such books as that rubbish Christmas one with Jim Carrey that was filmed on video and they didn’t even bother digitally grading it to make it look at all movie-like, and that Mike Myers one that I went upstairs when the kids put it on telly. Apparently the Americans love his stuff, rhyming nonsense with other nonsense, and pretty pictures that don’t get the noses right.

Well, the guy died in the 90s and he left a big box of unfinished work that his secretary eventually went through in 2013. That box contained the manuscript and line art that you’ll find finished off and coloured in,  looking all fancy and new, but keeping with the tone of Dr Seuss’ classic books from the 60s.

This story is about two kids looking round a pet shop, trying to find a pet. Why a parent would send their kids alone to make an important shopping decision is beyond me, but that’s what happens. Maybe things are different in America or something. Anyway, rather than explain the various events and such that occur, I thought I’d let Meg read it to you. Also, it stopped her nagging about being bored while we wait for Jess to finish her dance class.

So, here you go…

Apologies about the lack of editing or whatever, I have really cold feet and I’ve not had breakfast. So, Meg enjoyed the book, I think she struggled a little bit with the slightly weird poetry style of Dr Seuss. Nonetheless, for a 6 year old, this book is easy enough to read, and the pictures are nice enough.

The story ends unresolved, letting the kid make their own mind up what the children chose as a pet. There is a little check-box at the back for your kid to choose which pet they would have gone with.

It’s all very twee and fluffy and fun, and I see no reason why your kids won’t enjoy it. The blurb I was sent says the stuff at the back of the book detailing the rediscovery and subsequent finishing-off of the book is ‘thrilling’ but unless you get someone like Anthony Hopkins to read it to you, it’s just interesting. It does go into a lot of detail about colour palettes and such, which I suppose if you’re such a big Dr Seuss fan that you care about that, well, it’s nice.

I think this is probably the book equivalent of when they find an old recording of Elvis and finish it off so they can sell a new album. It does have the unmistakable tone and style of Dr Seuss, but really I doubt you’ll be going out of your way to get this unless you’ve got the rest of his books and you want the full set. That said, it’s not bad as a standalone book. I just don’t think it’s gonna be your go-to book if you think “Ooh I’ll get a Dr Seuss book”

You can find the book HERE on Amazon, so, yeah, do that.

I kinda feel bad I didn’t make this review rhyme. Orange.

Hey there peeps, apologies if it seems I’ve been too busy for you lately, I’ve been doing actual grown up work as well as preparing the following little gem of potential awesomeness for you.

Presenting… The As-Yet Untitled Fudgecrumpet Video Show, a bit of a YouTube video thing where me and my mate Chris chat about things and stuff, as well as review a movie with the help of Other Chris, from the Cinematronix podcast.

 

Now, obviously, it’s a bit rough around the edges, If you like it and you tell all your friends and then they like it too, then I’m pretty sure I might be able to up the production value to include actual chairs or something. I don’t think I’m at the stage where I’m thinking about a Patreon account or whatever, but hey, that’s always a possibility if you want more of this.

So, without further ado, I present my new video show, and welcome your feedback, either in the comments below, on twitter or by stopping me in the street to give me a hug (please state reason for hug before hugging commences, as refusal may offend)

So, how was that? Yeah, I know it’s suffering from low production values (much like the movie we reviewed), fish eye lens issues, and all manner of cases of shonkiness, but I want you to try and focus on the content, let me know what you thought about it, should we do more or should we give up and go back to being actual grown ups?

Thanks.

Hello ladies, how YOU doin?

Don’t worry, it’s only me, calm your loins. I’m just here today to share Adored.co.uk‘s Men’s Guide To Becoming Christian Grey, a guide to becoming a master seducer that obviously I have no need of because I am all the sex god, with my beard and my fancy see-thru underpants.

Still, I thought it might help the fellas out a bit, maybe get them a bit more the old snuggle time with their respective ladypals. It’s also a handy summary of the plot of Fifty Shades of Grey so you don’t have to watch the movie or read the book. Ever.

So, without further foreplay, here’s the guide. Enjoy.

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Graphic provided (via Adored | Buy vibrators online).

Image  —  Posted: January 23, 2016 in Fudgecrumpet, sex, sexy
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So NASA has scienced up a new ninth planet to replace Pluto, because they decided Pluto was a bit shit and that. Well, they’ve theorised that a planet is there, they’ve not actually said anything definite, but the media is all excited because a new ninth planet will mean all the pub quiz books from 5 years ago don’t have to be chucked into landfill.

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Apparently it is ‘slightly to the left’ of Pluto and is 10 times the size of Earth. Which is nice.
All the newspapers have photos of the new planet too, despite nobody having found it yet, which probably means it has a super injunction like that time that footballer did the dirty with his sister in law or whatever.

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Hhhhhhello Therrrrrre….
See? Did you smell that breath? Smelled lovely didn’t it.

Yeah it did. Do you know why?
Oh. You read the title of the blog. Well, smart-arse, you might have all the mad skills of reading things and that, but I am wearing a Spider-Man onesie and reviewing toothpaste and mouthwash on a medium-low popularity blog. So, who’s the real winner? That’s right. You. Dammit.

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So, The Breath Co.’s Fresh Breath Toothpaste and Oral Rinse. Invented by Dr Harold Katz as a way to stop his daughter’s breath from smelling (no, seriously, that’s what it says on the box. And the kids say I’m an embarrassing dad. Actually, I just saw the pic of me in the onesie…)

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This is a fancy mix of magic stuff that is supposed to make your breath smell lovely and not at all like the four cheese and ham toasties you had for tea. But does it work? Read the rest of this entry »

Hello you. You alright?
Of course you are, shut up.

BEARDS.

Beards seem to be considered a good thing nowadays, amongst all the lazy shavers and horny women of a certain age. I have a beard. On my face. But enough about me.

Here is my guide to professional bearding, presented in a number of bullet points because that means I don’t have to concentrate as much on grammar.

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1. What is a ‘beards’?
A ‘beard’ is hair grown from the lower face of a man, that covers most of the chin. In addition to a beard, there may also be a ‘moustache’ above the top lip. In fact, this is pretty much an essential for bearding, unless one is bearding in an amish society or wearing a stovepipe hat like that bloke off of that film that one time.
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So I was never a fan of Snoopy. I think it could have been that I never knew what exactly Woodstock was, or how everything just seemed super depressing. Maybe it was that all the adults spoke like trumpets, or that face everyone does when they shout. Anyway, given that I really don’t understand the world or characters or mystical pumpkins or whatever, I decided to fob off the review of the new Blue Sky SNOOPY AND CHARLIE BROWN – THE PEANUTS MOVIE Storybook on to Megan, who hasn’t experienced Chuck and his dog in any of his previous incarnations.

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It’s worth noting that we haven’t seen the movie yet, and Meg may drop a few spoilers along the way, but I’m sure you’ll be fine. It’s not like it’s Star Wars and she’s revealing that CENSORED gets CENSORED by CENSORED CENSORED with a pickled cucumber.
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