It’s not a nice day today, but if it were, I would heartily encourage you to get your socks and shoes on and heading outside for a bit of a run about with the kids.

To publicise the latest Percy Jackson book, the lovely PR people are encouraging everyone to get outside and play Capture The Flag, a game made popular in the first book in the series Percy Jackson and The Lightning Thief, following the adventures of the teenage demi-god as he mucks about getting involved in all sorts of magical shenanigans.

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The Other Alice is a new book by Michelle Harrison, asking the question “What would happen if the characters from the stories you’ve written managed to escape into the real world?”

It is aimed for readers ages 9+, so naturally I gave the book to Gem (grown up, asked me not to write her age) to read. (She also didn’t want me to take a picture of her with the book because she hasn’t done her hair).

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Hi there, just thought I’d make you aware of the Patreon I’ve set up, in an attempt to encourage me to start doing more (and more interesting) stuff on here. I was thinking something along the lines of a regular podcast or video thing, the sort of things that internet-famous people do. Y’know, because I need encouragement to do silly things…

Really it’s just an excuse to raise funds to bribe Gem so she leaves me be to record stuff, rather than making me do the washing up or whatever. I’ll still have to do the washing up, so maybe that’s a poor example.

Anyway, go and have a look and share it about a bit, there are a bunch of different goals, some poorly thought out rewards and the like. Hopefully it’ll work out well for me, you and the entire world.

Because I am so helpful and awesome here is a link to my favourite YouTube channel (not including that one with the lass that whispers while shaving your face), ShovelWarehouse, in a Virtual Reality special.

Yes, you get to hear me get a mention on a proper grown up YouTube channel, that’s not the point. The point is I’M HELPING.

https://www.youtube.com/shared?ci=Sybz335xfCY

Go and subscribe to see Zed play all sorts of naff wowshittery, and watch as a grown man grows increasingly angry at Barbie.

I’M HELPING.

So I know I’ve not mentioned it on here in a while, but if you follow me on twitter I still get almost daily packages from ‘the Chinese people’, Amazon sellers with poor grammar skills who want me to write reviews for them on the various Amazon sites in exchange for free or heavily discounted products.

As often as packages of random tat, I get tweets asking “How do you get all this free stuff?” and while I have mentioned how to do it before, I figured another blog post would make it look like I’m actually producing internet content rather than stagnating and sending people to old shit.

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Before I do that, I figured I’d make you exercise your scrolling fingers a bit.

Here’s a very small selection of some of the more recent random tat…

Fancy spy stuff…

A 3D Pen… (imagine trying to draw with a glue gun)

Some kind of mad tin opener…

Some sort of daft bra…

Heterosexuality enhancement devices…

A piano.

Half a dozen pairs of VR goggles…

Bibs for mucky pups…

Not a fucking clue…

Kitchen scales!

A terrifying tooth whitening kit…

Knickers!

Right, if you wanna get involved with what I find hard to tell myself isn’t some sort of scam, get yourself signed up with review.directory, leave your amazon profile details (here’s mine) and get ready for an influx of poorly google translated review requests from people with suspiciously English names.

They usually request about 300 words in your product review, and a few insist on photos or the occasional video, but you don’t need to be as much of a magicial wordsmith like what i is. Just say nice things, end it with a lie about being honest and unbiased and Bob’s your Dad’s best mate who you call your uncle even though he really isn’t. As a computer generated insurance flogging oligarch meerkat would say “Simples.”

One thing I would recommend is being a member of Amazon Prime. Yes, it is a bit of a pricey lump, but you get free next day postage in most cases, as well as getting to watch Preacher on Amazon Video.

So, yeah, that’s me being useful and helping you get free awesome stuff, so why not buy me a coffee to show your appreciation.

See you later then.

There’s a brand new movie of Roald Dahl’s The BFG out, and I’ve been asked to review the new movie tie-in edition of the book, packed with bonus activities and such.

Invited Jess to help me review, because I thought she could do with a break from her busy schedule of doing whatever it is 11 year-olds do, watching Miranda Sings on YouTube or not tidying up.

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Hey there, you OK?

WOAH! There’s no need to shout!

Whaddya mean I look like I’m further away?

Oh! You mean I look smaller, yeah, I went and dropped 2 jeans sizes with this here fitness and lifestyle changing thing that I was going to write about.

When was I going to write about it? Well, I was gonna start now, but you seem to be a bit over-confrontational about the whole thing.

OK, OK, calm down. I didn’t realise you were under so much pressure with work and that. I’m sorry too. Here, sit down. Feeling better? Good. Can I write about the diet thing now?

Thank you. Sheesh, some people

No, I didn’t say anything. Whaddya mean you heard ‘Sheesh some people’? No, that was just one of the sliding doors on Star Trek. You know, the ones that were a mixture of someone’s shoe and a guy going Pissshh. Yeah, it was definitely that. You need to stop binging on Netflix and get some rest. You look very tired. Good.

HELLO EVERYONE! Welcome to my write up on my nigh-on two months of being incredibly well behaved and awesome, following Ru-Tee Block’s 8-week long The Body Confidence Program.

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Oh, and just so you’re fully aware of the facts before you get a crick in your neck from trying to run away, this blog post does include several photos of me in just my pants. You’re OK with that? You sure? Ok…

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