Hey peeps, something bad happened.

I arranged to be sent Weekend Box’s new mini-weekend box featuring Snazaroo face paints so I could review it, and… well…

So, basically what was sent was a small face painting kit, along with a bunch of small activities and such (y’know, for kids), and since it was addressed to Meg (7), and I hadn’t warned Gem beforehand it was coming… Meg got there first.

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Now I don’t know exactly what happened, all I know is that when I arrived home, Gem wasn’t best pleased, the kids were in towels after baths and very little remained of the expected activity kit. Read the rest of this entry »

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Hi there. Excuse me a moment.

*puts down phone*

Yeah, you just caught me closing a big deal with the Main Man over and about some big PR opportunity that he wants me to handle. I told him no because you showed up and you’re so much more important. And sexy.

So, yeah, I make internet content. All sorts of internet content.
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They’re back at school now so hopefully they’ll stop being fucking locusts on all the food in my house. It’s been like 6 weeks since I’ve been able to find a packet of crisps.

Bloody creatures.

Here is them in front of a door. Probably using up all the wifi and leaving the lights on and that.

That’s your fucking parenting blog. Next week, breast feeding and sore nipples and e-numbers and other things. Not really, that’s all hateful shit.

Use a condom.

Nobody Puts Barry in a Corner

Posted: August 31, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet

With the news that an all-girl remake or Lord of the Flies, that classic study of toxic masculinity, I may have got a little carried away with ideas for chromosome-jiggered movie remakes. The sad thing is, some of these sound like they might be quite good.

I’m gonna go get myself a nice manly coffee now, because all this gender swapping is making my ovaries twitch.

Hello again. Yes, I know it’s been ages and you’ve been throwing words like ‘missed’, ‘you’, ‘like’, ‘a’, ‘fat’, ‘man’, ‘misses’ and ‘cake’, but I’ve been incredibly busy lazy and important couldn’t be arsed so haven’t been able to write anything here for a while (you didn’t even notice I was gone). Read the rest of this entry »

Uvula

Posted: July 27, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet
Tags: ,

Hey everyone! Send me a photo of your uvula!

…is something that gets no responses ever.

On a side-note, If you like vulvas get in touch, I have a bursting dropbox.

Everyone ever who I have ever known loved Transformers as a kid (except Gem. And you probably, you bloody contrary bastard), what with Optimus Prime and Megatron and such being robots that transformed into vehicles and guns and things so they could disguise themselves and not get an ASBO or whatever. You know what I’m on about, yeah? They go ch-ch-ch-chh-ch-ch-chu when they transform? One them turns into a tape player? Oh stop teasing me, you bloody do know.

So what I’m gonna do is a Buzzfondle-esque type list on Transformers that fail to live up to their ‘Robots in Disguise’ tag line by having completely shit disguises as their ‘alt mode’.

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