Lazy Nonsense.

Posted: April 24, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet

In lieu of putting actual effort into writing today, I have farmed my blog out to people with nothing better to do from the Twitter.

So there. The following in no way represents the views of me, my employer or my underwear…

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Kola with a K (and other Krimez)

Posted: April 20, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet
Tags: , ,

I don’t drink fizzy pop, so my experience of products flavoured similar to that red fizzy Santa Claus drink or that I-Think-She-Is-One-Of-The-Kardashians Police Juice is limited to poorly flavoured sweets, which are almost always spelled with a K rather than a C.

Naturally this gives me an instant dislike of anything deliberately misspelled with a kicking k instead of a curly c.

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Getting Becked.

Posted: April 19, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet

This happened.

Which was nice.

With most people now agreeing that Jaffa Cakes are cakes, toilet rolls go ripped edge to the front and Two Towers is the best Hobbit movie, we need something new and trendy to argue about. It seems the Rage De Jour is now 

“Should Scones Have Jam Then Cream or Cream Then Jam?”

We’ve already decided how to pronounce scone, now we get to finalise the matter of scones before there’s some sort of Tea Room Civil War or something.

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 I, Fudgey.

Posted: April 7, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet
Tags: , , , ,

Some sort of profile containing facts and such…

  • Name – Al
  • AKA – Fudgecrumpet
  • AKA – Fudgey
  • AKA – Sir

No, YOU’VE been over generous with the pixels

  • Age – 37 (and a Quarter)
  • Eyes – Blue/Adorable
  • Hair – Brown/Occasionally floppy
  • Gender – Male
  • Preferred Pronoun – Sexy
  • Height – Shorter than you expected
  • Weight – Too much 
  • Shoe Size – UK10
  • Underpants Size – M-L
  • Distinguishing Features – Beard, 2 birth marks (lower back, neck)

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I was sent some hair straighteners to review because for some reason I am considered a professional authority on beauty products. This may be because I am so beautiful.

These are some LEE STAFFORD “No Strings Attached” Cordless Straighteners. For making your hair straight. Which is something people like doing.

So there you go. In a fabulous shade of pink. It’ll match my frilly knickers so I can’t complain. Read the rest of this entry »

Hobbit Marathon

Posted: March 28, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet
Tags: ,

...because why the hell would someone do that?

I’m not a sadist, despite what some people might say, so rather than endure the 9 hours and 1 minute of the Extended Edition of The Hobbit ‘trilogy’, machine gun car chase and all, I decided to think of all the things I could do to waste the exact same amount of time.

So, I present to you, 9 hours and 1 minute of not watching The Hobbit. Read the rest of this entry »