Here is some more of my wisdom about those bizarre things about women that us blokes don’t know, are never told and yet are expected to have explicit knowledge of when tested.
‘Special Grumpy Lady Time’
SGLT is some sort of made-up disease that girls catch on a monthly basis, and despite this similarity to man-flu, the similarities end there.
The disease itself seems to occur on a regular basis, usually following about a week of pleasant, civilised behaviour. The various behaviour patterns usually follow this pattern.
Week 1. Pleasant, civilised behaviour. The lady will possibly do the washing up, be naughty in bed, and let you watch an episode of Thundercats without complaining.
Week 2. Grumpy bitch
Week 3. Grumpy, uncomfortable bitch
Week 4. Grumpy, fragile bitch.
This ‘cycle’ then repeats.
During week 3, so the adverts tell me, some kind of blue liquid is emitted, and this must be absorbed in a number of ways.
1. A little sponge on a string. From what i gather these appear to be bullet shaped, and come with some sort of insertion device, called an ‘applicator’. This may or may not be spring-loaded.
2. Things with wings. These are sponges that sellotape onto a girl’s pants. They do not allow girls to be able to fly. This is more due to poor piloting skills, and lack of knowledge of aerodynamics and such.
Modern advancements in Things with Wings include the ability to play pinball with your ladybits, something to do with pearls and 1GB mp3 player.
There are several cures for this disease
1. Avoid ladies during weeks 2-4. This is usually impossible, as ladies deliberately catch SGLT at different times, so men can never be happy.
2. Old age. After about 50 years, the lady’s body decides we’ve suffered enough, and gives us men a ‘pause’ from grumpyness. By this time though we’ve usually had enough and retired to our shed.
3. Pregnancy. This is actually only a cure for blue liquid, with the drawback of completely removing week 1 from the cycle. Also, babies are a result of this.
Anyway, there’s the sum total of all my SGLT knowledge. Enjoy.