So, my Spider-Man Onesie wearing odyssey through the Transformers movies continues as I delve into Michael Bay’s explosive chewing gum for the eyes, 2007’s Transformers, starring Shia The Beef and Megan Fox’s bottom.
So, with no further ado, avoiding any fucking chihuahua nonsense or Bernie fricking Mack, let’s go!
Shia The Beef has some magic glasses! Megan Fox is sweaty and bends over! Optimus Prime says “My Bad”! Fighting occurs! Soldiers try to join in but are basically shit! Fucking Bumblebee pisses on a man!
WHY IT IS GOOD!
Megan Fox is sweaty and bends over! The special effects are flawless! Robots fight robots and it is glorious for the final twenty minutes or so!
WHY IT IS BAD!
Shia The Beef is an irritating sod! All the supporting cast are irritating sods! All the robots are basically grey lumps of robot punching each other! The funny bits aren’t in the slightest bit funny! The human soldiers just basically get in the way! The plot makes no sense if you think about it!
CHANCE OF FALLING ASLEEP
2/10, so not much of a chance, not with all the noise and explosions and such.
RATING ON THE FUDGECRUMPET SCALE OF AWESOMENESS!