Review – Pits & Bits Towel Off Body Wash (plus 20% off!)

Posted: Jul 1, 2014 in Fudgecrumpet, funky nonsense, funny, insensitive male bastard, Product review, Review
Tags: , ,

So, imagine if you will, in the act of entertaining your loyal readers, you inadvertently watch Transformers The Movie in the presence of your lovely missus, but she asks one too many questions about the movie and you attempt to murder her with the nearest thing to hand, namely a tupperware box half full (optimist) of mini marshmallows and she gets inexplicably furious and throws you out for the night and you have to go and live in the woods across the road. Now, this hypothetical situation would be all well and good, but in the act of attempted murder using said half empty (pessimist) tub of mini marshmallows you accidentally get all sweaty and filthy from all the ruckus and you’ve basically got no chance of being let in the house without having a wash. You need a wash, but you can’t get in the house to access the shower, the kitchen sink or even the toilet overflow pipe which you fixed last week by adjusting the ballcock adjustment nut inside the cistern. What do you do, hot shot, WHAT DO YOU DO?

Well, there are only a small number of solutions to this dilemma.

1. Break into the local community centre grounds and use their external hose tap, which has seized up after eighteen months of misuse by Paul the caretaker.
2. Go for a swim in the canal and hope none of the condoms or tapeworm eggs go in your mouth. Again.
Or 3. Use PITS & BITS TOWEL OFF BODY WASH, an effective body wash that doesn’t require rinsing and leaves you feeling fresh, smelling like a respectable citizen and clean enough to not only receive forgiveness for any mini marshmallow tub related misdemeanour, but perhaps even a kiss and cuddle if you promise not to do it again.


Well, obviously option 3 is the only option that doesn’t involve getting eaten by Paul’s dogs or getting some sort of nasty canal based bowel condition. Which is handy because that’s exactly the product I’m reviewing today. Yeah, I know, it’s such a coincidence. Oh, shush, you write your own elaborate review introductions yourself next time.

So, yeah, this Body Wash. Basically you just apply it all over yourself, give it a good scrub (nothing too sexy, mind) and while it’s still bubbly, towel it off. Then you’re done. Clean as the proverbial whistle.
This stuff is ideal for all you folks attending festivals, camping out somewhere or maybe if you’re one of those survivalist types that eats tree bark and worms and Hershey bars.

The Pits & Bits Body Wash…
pH BALANCED AND PARABEN FREE (I assume this is good)
NO STICKY RESIDUES (fnarr fnarr)
SAFE PERINEAL CLEANER (I think this is the area between your bum and your balls, no idea why this bit needs special attention)

So, I really do recommend you go and get yourself some of this stuff, if only because you look and smell bloody awful at the moment.

You can pick up a bottle from and if you use the code SUMMER20 at the checkout you get 20% off the price, so you can smell 100% clean for only 80% of the cost. Maths.

  1. guns mcgee says:

    Haha this is hilarious! I will be sharing!


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