I think I promised an Aliens/Predator movie night marathon a while back, and as much as I enjoy lying to you all, there’s bugger all else on telly this week, so here you go.
Movie Number One. Alien. The 1979 Theatrical release because the 2003 Director’s cut has too many stupid new bits that fudge up the franchise continuity. Also there’s a bloody Ridley Scott introduction and he can fuck right off. Sat there, saying how good he is. Shut up Ridley. With your downtrodden face.
Also, while you’re there, see how I made a place for the ironing board to go on the door to my mancave? That’s my Automotive Engineering degree in action, that is. No you shut up.
In a format that every sci-fi franchise has copied and shat all over, a spaceship full of arseholes lands on an alien world and finds a knackered alien spaceship. Then they find some eggs and one of the eggs shats a spider thing onto Doctor Who’s face and then they ignore quarantine rules and then a penis monster jumps out of Doctor Who’s tummy and then it grows into a big penis monster and then it kills everyone except Ripley who tells it to bugger off into space in her bra and so it does and then she has a snooze.
WHY IT IS GOOD!
All the films that copied the format, and I mean all of them have never been anywhere near as good. The design of all the spaceships and alien and such have been copied so many times, but again, this is the the template by which all must be judged. It’s just fucking awesome. Also, it’s scary. Actual scary.
WHY IT IS BAD!
Everything is dripping wet, which is extremely poor form for on board a space ship. Also, if you were brought up having seen Aliens first, as I was (I’m very young and such. Shut up) then it comes across as really slow paced. Oh, and the computer is shit.
RATING ON THE FUDGECRUMPET SCALE OF AWESOMENESS!