After that little dirty delve into the world of Predator and Predator bloody 2, we now return to Alien, and the ‘depressing one’.
ALIEN 3. Because I don’t know how to do a ‘cube’ little 3. And it’s not called Alien Cubed anyway so that’s bloody daft.
I already miss Newt. mostly.
Tonight, I’m watching the 2003 Special Edition, because it is slightly more lovely than the studio-interfered-with Theatrical edition. Also the alien pops out of a cow.
So… after the last film ended all happy and everyone went to sleep, well it turns out that it didn’t end happy and everyone dies except Ripley. She ends up on a prison planet full of horny monk prisoners and goes about pissing them off until an alien shows up and starts killing everyone. They don’t have any guns to fight back so they basically bicker and argue until Ripley tells them to stop being silly and then she discovers she has an alien in her tummy and then they have a fight with the alien and then a bloke who looks like Bishop shows up and Ripley is annoyed so jumps into some lava and she dies and that’s obviously the end of the franchise. Oh.
WHY IT IS GOOD!
The alien effects are still quite good, especially the first appearance of a CGI one! Gaffer off of the Tetley tea adverts is in it! Manky Bishop Heed! BALDNESS! Paul McGann, the hipster’s Doctor Who of choice is in it! Charles Dance is creepy as fuck, despite being lovely! Everyone is British and awesome! Awesome set design makes everything look so big and massive! Despite being dark as hell, it’s still fairly fun! The religion stuff is fairly bonkers creepy! I’d forgotten how good this special edition was!
WHY IT IS BAD!
It’s soooo depressing! Newt and Hicks die :-(! Everything is soooooooo brown! Some of the scares come across as clichéd jumps and shocks! BALDNESS! The change in tone between Aliens and this is particularly jarring on a first viewing! The theatrical version is rushed and messy and fairly pointless!
RATING ON THE FUDGECRUMPET SCALE OF AWESOMENESS!
(Theatrical Version would probably be a high 7)