Yeah. Well, it’s the ‘funny’ one. Alien Resurrection. I’ve not watched this in years because I didn’t like it then. Here’s hoping it’s matured with age. Like wine. Or cheese. Or Christmas cake. Or I can’t think of anything else.
So, yeah, screw you trying to think of 10 original Alien/Predator themed photos. Meh. Eat bananas, folks, they’re good for you.
Tonight I am watching the 2003 Special Edition, although I sincerely doubt it will be in any way special.
Ripley is cloned by some scientists because Sigourney Weaver wanted to build a new extension on her mansion or something, also they get the alien queen off of the last film out of her tummy, because apparently that is exactly how DNA and that works. Obviously, she now has super-powers and that too, because that is exactly how cloning works.
Some arseholes arrive with some bodies for the aliens to go in their tummies, and that happens, then everything goes wrong and the aliens kill all the people and then the arseholes meet super-powered Ripley and they run away and then Ripley stops running away and the alien queen has a baby and it is a gross creepy monster that is shit and then Ripley makes it die and she is upset for some reason and then that’s it. Oh and Winona Ryder is in it for some reason that has bugger all to do with anything.
WHY IT IS GOOD!
The special effects are good, except the hybrid thing which is shit. Ron Perlman is in it and he is awesome. The occasional one-liner raises a smile. CGI Aliens are nice. The knackered up Earth ending of the Special Edition is fairly cool, although as the last in the series, chronologically, that plot-point gets unresolved. The strobe light emergency escape route concept is a sensible and practical solution to fire escape needs and should be incorporated into other buildings with long pointless corridors.
WHY IT IS BAD!
It’s written by Joss Whedon so no doubt there about 8 articles on the internet comparing it to Firefly or something. The humour is just childish and fairly shit. All the characters are of cartoon-character complexity. Everyone is inept to the point of stupidity. The set design is clichéd to beyond lazy levels of hissing steam and poor lighting behind fans (yes, I know Alien did it first, but this is too much). Winona Ryder’s character is utterly pointless. The hybrid alien is a godawful tragic pile of arse. The effects suffer somewhat from coming from that awkward point in the late 90s where CGI was too expensive, but practical and old school effects just don’t cut it, resulting in some sort of odd 50/50 mix. Everyone is an unpleasant arsehole for no reason other than it’s probably easier to write unpleasant arseholes. The spaceship basically destroys Africa when it crashes, which is silly. The guy gets his brain eaten, then pulls out a bit of brain before dying, FFS.
RATING ON THE FUDGECRUMPET SCALE OF AWESOMENESS