Dum de dum…
De dum de dum de doo…
OH HELLO THERE, I DIDN’T HEAR YOU COME IN! WHAT? WHY AM I SHOUTING? I’M NOT SHOUTING! OH wait…
Yeah, I’m reviewing these Brainwavz fancy headphones.
These are no normal headphones either, they are initially, as Gem said, “bloody ridiculous and stupid” headphones. What she means to say though is that these don’t fit into your lug-holes like regular headphones (i keep seeing the name and want to write headphonz, but i know that gets you tarred and feathered around these parts). They slot over the top of your ears and go plippety squish as you push them in, which is certainly an experience that takes some getting used to. It’s the same sort of experience you get when you’re underwater in the bath and you get an air bubble in your ear and it plippety squishes. I know what I’m on about, don’t judge my onomatopoeia.
So they slot over your ears in a very specific way, any other way and they just fall out and dangle into your bowl of shreddies. It does take a bit of practice to get right, or maybe I’m just a bloody luddite.
Once they’re in your ears and your spine has untwisted itself from the plippety squish noise feeling then you’re in for a treat. You lose nigh on 90% of all external noise and get to listen to your high quality music without having to listen to the kids watching some goddamn squeaky woman on youtube pretending they’re excited about home-made Kinder Eggs or the missus telling you that the kitchen is on fire again.
Sound quality, despite being the new Daphne and Celeste record, is great, you get all the deep noises and all the high noises and all the drums and that and I’ve never reviewed headphones before, can you tell? The noise that they make sounds like noises from real life and not like a toad battling a wizard with the magic of tinnitus, which is what my previous headphones sounded like.
Just looking at the box now, i feel the urge to list the various features, which make little-to-no sense to me, and let you make your mind up. So, here comes the science bit, concentrate…
– Flat oxygen free cable.
The flatness of the cable means the wire sits comfortably behind your ear. Not sure why it doesnt have oxygen in it though. I assume oxygen is bad in this case.
– Robust strain relief.
This sounds sexier than it should.
– Air port.
Not entirely sure I want aeroplanes landing in my ear. I have enough of a phobia about a wasp flying in.
– Neodymium magnet.
Dunno. From the future or something. Neodymium is in my autocorrect dictionary, but Penguin isn’t. Go figure.
– High-grade aluminium housing.
There was something about a housing crisis on the news, I don’t know if this is related.
– CCAW Voice Coil
Cow Chicken Ant Wallaby? Cheese Can Affect Wee-wee? Oh, wait, is that the noise that you make when you’re a spy and you’re in the woods and you need to signal other spies?
– Acoustic filter
“The kitchen is on fire! The cat is dead!!!!!”
Everything. Is. Fine.
– Body heat activated foam tip.
I could go on but then I’d forget to mention that the headphones come with a little boxy box containing a bunch of extra goodies.
More ear foam things in different sizes and with different flanges!!
I’m getting all too excited about this whole thing, i think its the acoustic isolation, making the bad voices in my head come out to play. Kill them all. Kill them all and bury the bodies in the ditch by the canal! Tell Marvin his keys are behind the counter at the coffee shop! Don’t forget to buy washing powder!
Yeah, some of my crazy evil voices are less evil than others.
Anyway, go and get yourself a pair of these from the Amazon and let me know how it feels when you get the plippety squish feeling in your ears. That is the reason there’s a comments section. The only reason.