Continuing my in-depth investigation into the murky world of unpleasantness that is found in movies that share their name with Disney films, we come across 2011’s Sleeping Beauty, a movie that could be described as ‘artistic’ or ‘erotic’, but comes across more as ‘weird’ and ‘grubby’.
THE DISNEY VERSION
Sleeping Beauty (1959)
A king and queen fail to invite a mean fairy to their daughter’s christening or birthday party or whatever and she places a curse on the girl, meaning she will die when she pricks her finger on a spinning wheel on her 16th birthday. Fortunately, some nice fairies do a bit of meddling and change the spell so instead of dying, she falls asleep. Then a prince comes, kills the bad fairy (who turns into a dragon for some reason) and kisses the princess so she wakes up. Other stuff happens, but you’ve already seen the movie.
– The good fairies try to behave like regular people but they’re a bit rubbish. It’s probably funny if you live in 1959.
– The spinning wheel scene is still fairly eerily creepy.
– There is a dragon, it is f**king awesome.
– There’s a bit of singing, but not too much. Fortunately.
And speaking of little pricks…
THE NON-DISNEY VERSION
Sleeping Beauty (2011)
Lucy (Emily Browning) is a student who has a number of jobs, and a fairly promiscuous social life. She gets employed to take some sleeping-pill laced tea and sleep naked in a bed, where creepy old men will then cuddle her. No, really, just cuddle. There’s a ‘no penetration’ rule, ok? Good.
Anyway, her friend overdoses on drugs, so she takes her top off and gets into bed with him, he dies and she cries. Lucy then takes some drugs, and gets a secret spy camera which she smuggles into the dirty cuddle room.
The creepy old man who wants to cuddle her accidentally drinks some of the sleeping pill laced tea and dies next to her. Lucy stops breathing, and the madam in charge of the whole operation resuscitates her. She then sees the dead old man and screams and cries a bit. IT’S SUCH A LOVELY FILM.
– There are lots of boobies.
– Lots of naked old men.
– Lots of drugged up cuddles.
– None of this is very sexy. Which is disappointing.
– Well… there’s sleeping involved.
– Both sleeping ladies could be described as ‘beauties’
– Both girls are awoken by a kiss at the end, albeit one is more a resuscitation than a kiss.
– If you get an erection watching either of these movies you are a BAD PERSON.
So, yeah, best go have a shower now. If you wanna leave a comment or whatever, let me know what you think. Maybe suggest the next Non-Disney film I should do. I’m actually kinda glad Animal Farm isn’t a Disney film.