Batman Vs Superman – But not fighting.

Posted: April 7, 2016 in awesome, Batman, Boredom, comics, funky nonsense, funny, Funny Pictures
Tags: , , , , , ,

Unless you’ve been hiding in a cupboard with a bucket on your head for the past few months, you’ll probably be aware of the Batman Vs Superman movie existing.
I’m not going to pass judgement on the movie as I’m waiting for the blu-ray so I can watch it in my pants.

In the movie Batman and Superman have a big ol’ fight for some reason and loads of shenanigans occur and stuff falls over.

The thing is, as a parent you’re supposed to teach your kids how to resolve their differences without resulting to fisticuffs.

So maybe, Batman and Superman should be settling their issues in a much less destructive or messy manner. Here are some suggestions, along with who I think would win. If you disagree, or have a better suggestion, well, that’s what comments are for.

1. Chess
The classic game of wits enjoyed by nerds and old people alike.

image

Superman quickly becomes bored, as Batman refuses to only use his Knights. Refusing to sacrifice any pawns, Superman uses his heat vision to burn little ‘S’s onto all his pieces, which according to a rule he made up means they can all now fly.
Batman wins by default when Superman accidentally exhales before making a move and blows all the pieces off the table.

BATMAN 1 SUPERMAN 0

2. Guess Who?
Still used by the FBI as their primary profiling tool, this classic guessng game makes everyone hate that one guy with a beard.

image

Batman’s superior detective skills come into play here, but are quickly scuppered by his foe’s X-Ray Vision. He claims shenanigans, but Superman just says he is really good at guessing.

BATMAN 1 SUPERMAN 1

3. Twister

GAME ABANDONED after both heroes get tangled in their capes and no girls agree to join in.

BATMAN 1 SUPERMAN 1

4. Rock ’em Sock ’em Robots
Yeah, we said no fighting, but this is fighting by robotic proxy, so we’ll allow it.

image

Superman’s steel grip proves too much for the shoddy plastic contruction of the game and he immediately snaps off his control level. Batman presses his advantage but refuses to finish the job, as it is against his moral code. The game ends when Superman nudges the table and Batman’s robot explodes into a million pieces.

BATMAN 1 SUPERMAN 2

5. Strip Poker

GAME ABANDONED when Superman refuses to play as his outfit counts as only one item of clothing, especially since he no longer has the red underpants.
Batman agrees not to play too, as he doesn’t want to take his cowl off.

BATMAN 1 SUPERMAN 2

6. Monopoly

monopolylogoman-picsay.jpg

 

No amount of super-strength, x-ray vision or laser eyes can help Superman this time, as Batman proves why he is a billionaire, quickly reducing the Kansas farmboy to bankruptcy. The only respite for Superman is when Batman’s pewter top hat (chosen because it rhymes with bat) lands on Gotham Monopoly’s Crime Alley space and Batman leaves the room to have a bit of a cry.

BATMAN 2 SUPERMAN 2

CONCLUSION
With no outright winner, Superman suggests flipping a coin to decide the winner. However, before Batman can stop him, Superman flips the coin out of the Earth’s orbit and into the surface of the moon. The impact forces the planetary body out of orbit and both heroes decide to put aside their differences to save the world.
While they’re gone, Wonder Woman and the rest of the Justice League pop round to play xbox. The Flash is surprisingly bad at Tetris.

So, that’s your lot. I think we’ve all learned something today. If you like what you’ve seen, why not help support the blog by buying me a coffee? Clearly I need something to keep me awake.

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