Hello boys and girls.
I have about an hour of sitting on my arse as we commute between jobs, so figured a bit of random internet content creation would stop me getting frustrated by the Radio Leeds phone-in show that is being piped into my ears.
On an unrelated note, I updated my phone and it now has a spell-checker. It doesn’t think arse is a word.
So, topics for me to rant about, as suggested by the people who live on twitter…
1. Blueberries Vs Blackberries – Which is best?
I said no food, you boob!
Blueberries are currently (not an currant pun) the best because I am allowed them as part of the new diet thing I’m doing. I’ll be writing about that when it’s all done and dusted, but no doubt you’ll have seen photos of food and that on my Instagram feed, or complaints about being grumpy on my Twitter stream.
I’m not sure why I used the terms ‘feed’ and ‘stream’ there, they kinda made me sound like one of those internet experts. They’re the kind of people that will be the first to die when I am king.
2. Dentists, flies, summer shoes, British Gas, Angela Rippon.
I once went to the dentist and his flies were down.
I don’t have any summer shoes. I have 3 pairs of shoes, and one old pair of shoes that used to be my favourite until Gem stole them to use as garden shoes which the dog then ate.
I work for British Gas occasionally, being the locksmith that opens up some properties when they want to disconnect or switch the meters of folk who don’t pay their bills. They apparently have their own team of locksmiths, sorry ‘locksmiths’, but these tend to just be gas engineers who have ‘been on a course and have bought all the picks’.
I think Angela Rippon knows more than she lets on. She may be a KGB sleeper agent or something, but there’s something going on behind her eyes that makes me not trust her.
Also, she was one of the first presenters on Top Gear, which my dad seems to think is a good counter-argument to me saying that Chris Evans and Matt LeBlanc might be fucking awful at presenting the show.
3. People who insist on walking through a door that you’ve opened for them with absolutely no acknowledgment of you doing so…
Yeah, they’re rude.
I did see a post from one of those ranty hyper-offended internet gonks once about how she always confronted men who held doors open for her as misogynists because apparently opening doors is a sign of oppression or something.
This is why I always slam doors in people’s faces.
Unless they have nice tits.
Right that’s your lot for today.
Go and like my page on Facebook, sometimes I actually write bonus stuff on there that you won’t see on here (usually because my wordpress app is playing up)
Also, check out my Tostadora store, there are over 4 different t-shirt designs on there (GoT spoiler alert)
And if you’re that way inclined, why not buy me a coffee?