Hey there, you OK?
WOAH! There’s no need to shout!
Whaddya mean I look like I’m further away?
Oh! You mean I look smaller, yeah, I went and dropped 2 jeans sizes with this here fitness and lifestyle changing thing that I was going to write about.
When was I going to write about it? Well, I was gonna start now, but you seem to be a bit over-confrontational about the whole thing.
OK, OK, calm down. I didn’t realise you were under so much pressure with work and that. I’m sorry too. Here, sit down. Feeling better? Good. Can I write about the diet thing now?
Thank you. Sheesh, some people…
No, I didn’t say anything. Whaddya mean you heard ‘Sheesh some people’? No, that was just one of the sliding doors on Star Trek. You know, the ones that were a mixture of someone’s shoe and a guy going Pissshh. Yeah, it was definitely that. You need to stop binging on Netflix and get some rest. You look very tired. Good.
HELLO EVERYONE! Welcome to my write up on my nigh-on two months of being incredibly well behaved and awesome, following Ru-Tee Block’s 8-week long The Body Confidence Program.
Oh, and just so you’re fully aware of the facts before you get a crick in your neck from trying to run away, this blog post does include several photos of me in just my pants. You’re OK with that? You sure? Ok…
So, the first thing you’re probably going to ask me when I say I’ve been doing a diet thing is “How much weight did you lose?” and in all honesty I don’t know. The Body Confidence program isn’t about weighing yourself, weighing your food out, buying one of those really expensive flat batteries for the electronic weighing scales you got forced to buy for the bathroom not because it worked better than the old fashioned mechanical ones, but because it was silver and glass and shiny and lights up blue. Instead, the program guarantees you a loss of 2 jeans sizes, that’s a total of 16″ from various parts of your body (chest, tummy, waist, hips, bum, legs and arms). So, rather than jumping on scales once a week and stressing over the weight of the Captain Phasma socks you decided to wear that day, you’re getting the tape measure and keeping an eye on your actual reduction in size. Because, as Gem keeps telling me, size matters. Er… HERE’S A VIDEO!
The Body Confidence Program is a combination of a lot of different things.
Firstly, you’ve got a form of gluten-free paleo-based diet (you can eat organic grass-fed meat, nuts, berries, even lard; but you have to avoid bread, pasta, potatoes, caffeine, Wotsits etc) with all manner of easy-to-cook, easily adaptable recipes. So, instead of piling your plate with rice, or pasta or chips, you aim to proportion your plate with 85% protein (meat, eggs) with 15% other good stuff (my favourite was the bacon, grilled tomato and blueberries).
Secondly, you fill in a measurement chart every Friday, sending them directly to Ru-Tee herself, showing your inch loss, as well as keeping her updated on your success by means of self-assessment percentage scores, rating your ability to follow the rules of the program.
Thirdly, you get a weekly conference call, every Monday, where you get to chat with the other people on your program, share stories about your progress, discuss barriers to your success; basically a support group of people in the same situation.
Every single morning between 5 and 6am, you’ll get an email full of healthy tips, recommendations for exercise, notifications of new recipes and a reminder to put your phone on silent before you go to bed if you don’t want to get punched in the head by the missus.
Every Wednesday you get exercises to try out, including high intensity training videos, although the advice given is only exercise a maximum of three times a week and there was a really good reason for that that I have forgotten. But that is what I did anyway, so there. You’re also guaranteed the 2 jeans size reduction result without exercise, if you’re feeling particularly comfortable in your chair.
This all combines together with a set of simple (and at first, horrifically strict) rules that help change your outlook on food, portion size, and general attitude to eating and living.
You are allowed one ‘cheat’ day a week too, where you can have whatever you want, drink all the booze you like (every other day, booze is a no-no) and spend the whole night on the toilet because you’re suddenly not used to eating a multipack of Monster Munch in one go anymore and you get a bit poorly. That said, the seven cheat days following that were much more… relaxed and less bingey.
The first week of the program is the worst, as your body begins to crave sugar and caffeine, so your mood drops, you want to neck punch everyone you meet, and stealing a JCB in order to ram raid the Haribo factory seems like the BEST IDEA. The mood isn’t helped by the sudden influx of foods you’ve never heard of, or would previously have dismissed as hippy dippy nonsense need buying. Stuff like pink Himalayan salt, sweet potatoes and pea protein powder don’t come cheap, but are all major ingredients in some of the recipes.
However, once the cravings pass, your body actually acclimatises to the program, and you realise that most of the bonkers sounding ingredients will actually last you well beyond the eight weeks, leaving you only meat, fruit, veg and washing up liquid to buy every week (yeah, you’re cooking most things from scratch, you’re gonna be doing a lot of washing up). By the third week, you should be fully confident in your ability to succeed without having to resort to JCB on Pontefract Cake factory violence.
“Well, Fudgey? How did you do? Where’s these photos of you in your pants that we were promised?” I hear you ask, you dirty perverts. Well, I managed to lose 18 inches, and I’ve had to actually go shopping to buy new jeans and a belt.
Here’s a link to my measurement chart so you can see how I did, if that sort of thing interests you… and here are my before pictures… for which I apologise.
And my after pictures (ignore the pixels, that’s a photobomb from the dog with his lampshade cover on because he’s recovering from having his bits removed. It’s all go in the Fudgey household)…
So, yeah, I reckon I look a lot better now. Stop looking at that side ‘after’ pic now. Stop it. Perverts.
Right then, you can find out more about The Body Confidence Program (and with a better choice of pictures that aren’t a bearded internet nerd) by visiting the website, where you can also sign up for a free preview of the program.
Oh, and if you use the code Al50off when you sign up to the program, you get £50 off the price of the course. So yay!
You can also see all manner of interesting pictures and recipes on the Body Confidence Program instagram page, that’s if you don’t mind looking at well constructed photos of dinner.
It certainly has helped me incredibly, and although I am back on the coffee (I have a 3 month old daughter, a full time job and dozens of Amazon reviews to write for the Chinese people, I need my coffee) and I’m never touching another sweet potato again, I think I’m going to carry on to the best of my ability. I’ve set myself a new target of dropping one more jeans size (so I have 6″ left to lose) and then I think I should be able to maintain that.
That was my diet review. Honestly, I didn’t think I’d do this well on the diet and I was agonising about how I’d write about failing to lose anything. I’m really glad it worked, and I have nothing but praise for Ru-Tee and the program itself.
Also, look! I managed to write about a diet. I’m a proper blogger now. Yeahhh.
See you later then. Bye.