Manflu Meltdown

Posted: October 20, 2016 in Fudgecrumpet
Tags: , , , , , ,

I am poorly and dying and possibly DOOMED.

I HAVE A RUNNY NOSE AND A HEADACHE AND I AM DYING.

Whaddya mean it’s just a cold? All the good diseases start off with flu-like symptoms. Ebola is one example.There are other examples that you should look up yourself if you are so bloody bothered. I’m too poorly.


Yes, I’m still working, and perfectly capable of working, and not actually poorly, but I HAVE A RUNNY NOSE AND A HEADACHE and I am rubbish at being poorly and you should look after me and make me a hot Ribena.

Also, women. Bloody women, you can’t have WomanFlu. That’s a made up thing. Don’t appropriate my gender’s unique illness. You don’t see me menstruating or having a baby do ya? No. Manflu is for men and you can’t just make up a woman version because you’re jealous. This isn’t Ghostbusters or Ocean’s Eleven Minus 23% Because That Represents The Gender Pay Gap Or We Just Couldn’t Find That Many Actresses Who Wanted To Be In The Movie.

No, I’m not after your sympathy. Your sympathy is rubbish. You don’t even mean it. So what if I want to eat Day Nurse all day even though it is 6 months past it’s expiry date? Medicine doesn’t go off anyway. You’re thinking of eggs.

Also the manflu has made my left ear go deaf but that’s fine because I don’t even need both my ears. Just don’t you be off flouncing about with your stereo headphones and ability to have conversations without saying “What?” a lot. 

Fine. Leave me be. I’m ill and not even writing high quality internet content. I’m just complaining and dying. Without sympathy or a left ear. Go away.

Bastards.

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