The Fudgey Guide To Banned Online Filth

Posted: November 24, 2016 in Fudgecrumpet
Tags: , , , , , , ,

According to the news, the important bossy people in charge are going to be a big meanie by banning the viewing of ‘non-conventional acts’ videos, even if they are legal to perform between consenting adults. This is obviously very confusing for a lot of people as nobody really knows who enjoys doing what in the privacy of their own home. That is where, like a photocopier repairman or a plumber, I come in.

So now, make yourself comfortable as I provide all the information you need to know about this censorship of kinkery.

Things that you are allowed to watch…

  • Two consenting adults kissing, as long as it isn’t at a bus stop and they keep their hands to themselves. No tongues or biting.
  • A mummy and a daddy having a special cuddle under a duvet (min 12.5 tog) to make a baby.
  • Bare boobs (up to a maximum of 2 boobs, for up to 14 seconds, no excessive movement)
  • The facial expressions of a man experiencing something very pleasurable, for example…

  • A married couple having a polite conversation with one of those lesbians or a gay in a public place, for example the M&S café, with no touching or laughing or suggestive eyebrows.
  • A man sticking his tongue out, on his own, with no raspberry blowing or saliva.
  • A lady pleasuring herself, by purchasing shoes or a handbag in a well maintained and high class fashion store (Debenhams or better)
  • Teenagers indulging in ‘barely legal’ activities, for example, crossing a pelican crossing before the green man appears or copying software purely for backup purposes.

Things that are no longer allowed…

  • Willies.
  • Bums.
  • Ladygardens.
  • Hairy Ladygardens.
  • Anything with a horse.
  • Anything involving a nose.
  • Ainsley Harriot.
  • Sex of any kind involving any people, animals, objects or abstract concepts.
  • Rimming.

I hope this guide has helped you out considerably, if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read why not click Like, or send me some Patreon money. 
Ta.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s