According to the news, the important bossy people in charge are going to be a big meanie by banning the viewing of ‘non-conventional acts’ videos, even if they are legal to perform between consenting adults. This is obviously very confusing for a lot of people as nobody really knows who enjoys doing what in the privacy of their own home. That is where, like a photocopier repairman or a plumber, I come in.
So now, make yourself comfortable as I provide all the information you need to know about this censorship of kinkery.
Things that you are allowed to watch…
- Two consenting adults kissing, as long as it isn’t at a bus stop and they keep their hands to themselves. No tongues or biting.
- A mummy and a daddy having a special cuddle under a duvet (min 12.5 tog) to make a baby.
- Bare boobs (up to a maximum of 2 boobs, for up to 14 seconds, no excessive movement)
- The facial expressions of a man experiencing something very pleasurable, for example…
- A married couple having a polite conversation with one of those lesbians or a gay in a public place, for example the M&S café, with no touching or laughing or suggestive eyebrows.
- A man sticking his tongue out, on his own, with no raspberry blowing or saliva.
- A lady pleasuring herself, by purchasing shoes or a handbag in a well maintained and high class fashion store (Debenhams or better)
- Teenagers indulging in ‘barely legal’ activities, for example, crossing a pelican crossing before the green man appears or copying software purely for backup purposes.
Things that are no longer allowed…
- Hairy Ladygardens.
- Anything with a horse.
- Anything involving a nose.
- Ainsley Harriot.
- Sex of any kind involving any people, animals, objects or abstract concepts.
I hope this guide has helped you out considerably, if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read why not click Like, or send me some Patreon money.