Morning all, I’m bored and I have nothing interesting to say, so let’s do an AMA.
Send me your questions to email@example.com or on twitter and I’ll update this post throughout the day with my answers.
QUESTION – Daddy or Chips?
ANSWER – My answer would be chips, and I would be disappointed if my kids chose differently. Chips are amazing.
QUESTION – Should you pee in the shower? And do you?
ANSWER – Peeing in the shower is fine, I have no problem with anyone who does it (barring asparagus eaters with their sugar puff smelling streams) however I always have a massive poo and a wee on the toilet before I get in the shower, because it just seems like common sense to get all that nonsense out of the way before cleaning off.
(Both from Three from Leith on Twitter)
QUESTION – What colour eyes have I got?
ANSWER – They are mostly white with a black dot, surrounded by I reckon brown. There are also red veins due to heavy drinking and a wanton lifestyle.
(From Flower on Twitter)
QUESTION – Is there a limit to the size of a human penis?
ANSWER – Yes, the largest legal penis size is 8“. Any longer than this and the owner has to pay a fine of £48 per month to the Penile Compensation Fund (PCF), the monies from which get distributed to men with smaller willies so they can buy an ice cream and feel better about themselves.
(From Mark on Twitter)
QUESTION – What is the meaning of life?
ANSWER – Life is a popular song recorded by the British pop and soul singer Des’ree, and was released on 8 June 1998. This song remains Des’ree’s biggest hit, peaking at number one in Austria, Malawi, Italy and the Netherlands “Life” is also the theme song for the Japanese drama To Heart.
(From Welshracer on Twitter)
QUESTION – Who would win in a fight – Highlander or Zoolander?
ANSWER – In what is most likely a surprise result, Zoolander would win, as Highlander is killed while crossing a level crossing en route to the fight, due to Christopher Lambert’s bozzy eye not seeing the 1142 from Loughborough approaching at high speed.
(From Dirk on Twitter)
QUESTION – Who exactly is she that sells seashells on the seashore?
ANSWER – She is Mary Spenth, a 64 year old widow from Truro. She uses her seashell profits to buy the prison drug ‘Spice’, which she smokes regularly because she enjoys the seizures and feeling of impending and terrifying death that the drug provides.
(From Unseen Dean on Twitter)
QUESTION – Iron Man or Wonder Woman?
ANSWER – This is a tough choice, do I choose an alcoholic billionaire misogynist in a suit which is misnamed due to it’s metallic content, who is completely responsible for the Marvel Civil War, or an invincible lady with big boobs who can fly and has an invisible jet and has big boobs.
I would obviously choose Iron Man, because he has an amazing beard.
(From Darth Farty on Twitter)
QUESTION – What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
ANSWER – A rubber duck is designed to make being nude and soggy fun. Because who wants to be nude and soggy? Nobody. That’s who.
(From Sara on Twitter)
QUESTION – What is the best invention since sliced bread?
ANSWER – This.
(From Didget Grumpus on Twitter)
QUESTION – Why?
ANSWER – Because. Because boredom. Because science. Because amazement. Because wonder. Because.
(From Wrighty on Twitter)
QUESTION – What did you have for tea?
ANSWER – Gammon and BBQ Beef Supernoodles.
(From Romsmom on Twitter)
QUESTION – Who’d win in a fight between your penis and a rabid shark?
ANSWER – I did research for this…
Turns out that the fight would just be between my penis and a completely rabies-free shark.
My penis would still win.
(From Scarlett Parrish on Twitter)
QUESTION – Cowgirl or reverse cowgirl? Which is best?
Cowgirl is best, reverse cowgirl is not only a really hard position to get into, it also can result in penis twanging, which is not only unpleasant but also potentially messy.
That said, I’m not gonna look a gift horse in the… er…
(From Sara on Twitter)
Right, clearly Twitter has had a glass of wine and the questions are getting increasingly frisky so I had best call an end to this session of questions.
Follow me on Twitter if you don’t already.
Be a fan of the blog on Facebook, if you like sending Candy Crush lives (Soda/Jelly only ta)
Donate to my Patreon and see how some actual monetary investment might help to improve the quality internet content I produce.
Buy me a present from my ever growing Amazon Wish List, choose this option if you want to make me feel like an internet camgirl with boobs.
Or if you just want to shower me with digital cash, that’s fine too.
And that’s your lot. Thanks for joining in, why not give all those people who sent questions a follow and a hello, they clearly need some sort of moral support if they’re wasting their lives sending me silly questions.