A month or so ago I received an awesome hot dog making robot from the Chinese people (in exchange for Amazon reviews or whatever).
Here it is, look at it. LOOK AT IT.
It was amazing. Things were good. I had hot dogs whenever Gem would not nag about me having hot dogs. I was happy.
Last night, those halcyon days came to an end.
I watched Sausage Party.
I won the blu-ray from some random photoshop nonsense competition I entered on The Poke.
While I had read a lot of reviews saying the movie was not as good as folk expected, little could prepare me for the pile of arse that I willingly inserted into my eyes, like some sort of bloody masochist.
The ‘story’ revolves around some horny sentient groceries. They say ‘motherf***er’ every other word and some sort of events occur in a seemingly random order. The movie then ends and you still have to watch another 20 minutes of groceries having sex and then that ends and the movie sets up a sequel and then the whole movie ends and you go to sleep.
It’s not funny, it’s not clever, it is just childish nonsense presented in the broadest possible manner and not even in the ‘makes a video of people saying boobs’ way. Just shit.
I don’t want to eat hot dogs anymore.
Oh, in other movie news I used my Patreon earnings wisely and bought myself a shit movie from Poundland.
This is an average and half-arsed horror movie filmed entirely on iPhones. I tweeted a lot about it, but quite honestly the movie can be summed up by this tweet…
Still, you can see how I’m not wasting my Patreon money on booze, hookers and Vmto jelly beans.
Although I did buy some Vimto jelly beans as well. They are lovely.