Hobbit Marathon

Posted: March 28, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet
Tags: ,

...because why the hell would someone do that?

I’m not a sadist, despite what some people might say, so rather than endure the 9 hours and 1 minute of the Extended Edition of The Hobbit ‘trilogy’, machine gun car chase and all, I decided to think of all the things I could do to waste the exact same amount of time.

So, I present to you, 9 hours and 1 minute of not watching The Hobbit.

Lambonardo DiCaprio

  • Boil the kettle (0:04)
  • Make a Pot Noodle (0:05)
  • Eat a Pot Noodle (0:07)
  • “Watch Transformers “”Heavy Metal War” (0:22)
  • Boil the kettle (0:04)
  • Discuss electric kettles with American Twitter followers (0:27)
  • Have a nice poo (0:10)
  • Rearrange DVDs (0:12)
  • Use all Candy Crush Soda Saga lives (0:08)
  • Use all Candy Crush Jelly Saga lives (0:08)
  • Do the washing up (0:28)
  • Make a delicious salad (0:04)
  • Put delicious salad in the bin (0:01)
  • Boil the kettle again because I forgot to pour my coffee (0:04)
  • Rearrange tins in cupboard (0:03)
  • Rearrange tupperware (0:06)
  • Take dog for a walk (0:09)
  • Clean carpet because the dog came in with mucky feet (0:04)
  • Clean kitchen floor because the dog pee’d while you cleaned the carpet (0:02)
  • Go for a wee (0:01)
  • Transform a Transformer toy, e.g. Combiner Wars Ultra Magnus (0:03)
  • Boil the kettle again because I forgot to pour my coffee (0:04)
  • Make a cup of coffee (0:01)
  • Rearrange tins in cupboard/Find something to eat (0:03)
  • Make 15p Morrisons Value Spaghetti Bolognese (0:03)
  • Make Toast (0:03)
  • Make Baconnaise Sandwich (0:01)
  • Eat food/Drink Coffee/Hide Baconnaise Sandwich from Gem because she disapproves (0:06)
  • Take socks off (0:01)
  • Put socks back on because it is actually cold (0:02)
  • Put central heating on (0:01)
  • Take socks off (0:01)
  • Photoshop celebrity faces onto farmyard animals (0:12)
  • Use all Candy Crush Soda Saga Lives (0:08)
  • Use all Candy Crush Jelly Saga Lives (0:08)
  • Clean out earwax (0:02)
  • Trim nose hair (0:03)
  • Make Toast (0:03)
  • Make Toast into some sort of Toast Pyramid (0:10)
  • Put dog in garden as punishment for destroying Toast Pyramid (0:01)
  • Vacuum up crumbs (0:02)
  • Go for a wee (0:01)
  • Search for new phone charger wire in drawer (0:08)
  • Buy new phone charger wire from Amazon (0:01)
  • Browse Amazon for nonsense, fill up Wish List (0:11)
  • Delete old things from Wish List, as I bought it from Home Bargains last week (0:02)
  • Boil the kettle (0:04)
  • Eat biscuits (0:03)
  • Take dog for walk to the shop to buy more biscuits (0:15)
  • Clean carpet because the dog came in with mucky feet (0:04)
  • Clean kitchen floor because the dog pee’d while you cleaned the carpet (0:02)
  • Boil the kettle (0:04)
  • Make a cup of coffee (0:01)
  • Drink coffee/Eat biscuits (0:07)
  • Stare into the middle distance for no reason (0:08)
  • Watch some sort of YouTube nonsense (0:36)
  • Download crappy game based on YouTube recommendation (0:03)
  • Play crappy game (0:02)
  • Delete crappy game (0:01)
  • Go for a wee (0:01)
  • Read random articles on Wikipedia 9
  • Pretend to be Sportacus from Lazytown by jumping about 2
  • Have a sit down until the pain stops 6
  • Boil the kettle (0:04)
  • Make shapes with mouth in mirror 7
  • Watch a lorry trying to reverse into your road, messing up all the traffic 12
  • Boil the kettle (0:04)
  • Make a cup of coffee (0:01)
  • Hide under kitchen table (0:02)
  • Rearrange Spotify playlist because the kids have messed (0:15)
  • Add song to playlist that you forgot to add last time and remembered last time you were in the bath (0:01)
  • Listen to the extended version of ‘Pen Pineapple Apple Pen’ (0:04)
  • Put phone in the freezer (0:01)
  • Cook sausages (0:12)
  • Make Sausage and Baconnaise Sandwich (0:02)
  • Eat Sausage and Baconnaise Sandwich (0:04)
  • Eat Baconnaise (0:01)
  • A moment of regret (0:01)
  • Eat Baconnaise (0:01)
  • Rearrange toy shelf in mancave (0:09)
  • Search for phone (0:18)
  • Find phone in freezer. (0:01)
  • Tweet several photos of self wearing various novelty masks (0:10)
  • Turn wifi off and on again (0:01)
  • Do a 24-minute YouGov Survey with eyes closed (0:03)
  • Call the dog a racist (0:01)
  • Walk from room to room doing Sesame Street impressions (0:04)
  • Watch a crow mucking about in the woods out of the kitchen window (0:02)
  • Eat an apple (0:05)
  • Throw apple core towards bin, miss, move bin to find apple core, put apple core in bin (0:02)
  • Boil the kettle (0:04)
  • Make Super-Noodles (0:03)
  • Make Super-Noodles Sandwich (0:01)
  • Eat Super-Noodles Sandwich (0:04)
  • Go for a wee (0:01)
  • Have a nice sit down (0:06)
  • Answer phonecall from foreign person offering PPI compensation (0:03)
  • Wonder why American School Buses are yellow (0:12)
  • Look for socks (0:01)

TOTAL TIME WASTED 9hours 1minute

Mission accomplished. 

Advertisements
Comments

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s