My Thoughts on Blade Runner 2049 (In No Particular Order)

Posted: Oct 8, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I went to the pictures on Friday night to see the new Blade Runner film. Here are my thoughts in no particular order… I imagine there will be spoilers.

  • There were no light up umbrellas. This saddens me because that means my light up umbrella will henceforth be known as a lightsaber umbrella which is the wrong geek niche I’m aiming for.
  • I think I nodded off at one point in the movie, as I have no idea how Ryan Gooseley found his way to the furnaces where the wooden (i want to say cow) animal is hidden.
  • It would have been nice if Harrison Ford showing up had been a surprise, rather than him showing up on the trailers and all over the telly pretending to have fun in interviews.
  • The buildings are no longer spitting fire out of the top. Which, while sensible, isn’t as cool.
  • The special effects are lovely, although everything is mucky and dusty so you end up seeing less than in the original.
  • The future is less ‘wacky’ than the original, with a lot of the weird excesses of the original shoved out of the way for a more grounded reality.
  • The hologram thing nicked the light bee thing from Red Dwarf (and not Star Trek Voyager, you fucking hacks)
  • If you organise a night out with your mates you need to over-emphasise which night you’re going to the pictures because the slightest cross wire could mean you have to watch Blade Runner 2049 on your own like some geek husband whose wife won’t go to see a ‘stupid boring space film’ with him.
  • Ryan Goosley’s performance is probably one of his career, because he is already a robot from the future. That said, he is good in The Nice Guys. You should see that. It is great.
  • Jared Leto is not unbearably shit in this movie.
  • The hologram bodyswap threesome is pretty much nicked from the movie Her starring Joaquin (pronounced Queefanoofle) Phoenix. That is also a good film. Go and see that too.
  • There are massive pink hologram boobs at one point. If you like that sort of thing.
  • Harrison Ford is good in this. He plays Harrison Ford and does that funny run and everything. Seriously, have you seen him run? It’s like he’s just constantly getting attacked by birds.
  • The climactic battle between Goosley and Bad Robot Lady #2725 is very understated and not really very futuristic in the slightest. I enjoyed it a lot because Harrison Ford is just sat there looking annoyed and confused.
  • Is Deckard a replicant? I still don’t know and THAT’S FINE.
  • The bit with Elvis is nice.

All in all a fantastic movie. You should go and put it in your eyes.

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