My Thoughts on Kingsman – The Golden Circle

Posted: Oct 16, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I went to see the new Kingsman film on Friday night.

Yeah, get me with a social life. Woo.

This was like the 3rd google image result. Isn’t the internet wonderful?

Anyway, here are my thoughts in no particular order (I imagine there are spoilers)…

  • It’s a long film. I didn’t get out of the cinema until 1am, which is daft. Nobody my age should be out that late.
  • The opening car chase is a godawful mess of bad CGI.
  • Channing Tatum appears for about 10 minutes, says hello then gets put in a cupboard for the rest of the movie.
  • The dog dies. 😦
  • The main bad guy lady, while evil and nasty, is actually fairly honourable, sticking to her word, when it’s actually the ‘good’ authorities that basically fuck everyone over. Make of that what you will.
  • The overblown celebrity cameo isn’t anywhere near as cringeworthy as it should have been.
  • Mark Strong’s Merlin, while perfectly fine in almost every respect, clearly went to the Simon Pegg/Mike Myers school of Scottish accents.
  • Fingering condoms are a thing now.
  • So much whiskey is consumed in this movie, it’s a wonder how anyone gets anything done.
  • Colin Firth’s return from the dead is handled in a fairly competent manner, I honestly thought they were just gonna fob it off with “ahhh but his glasses were bullet proof”.
  • The franchise’s catchphrase one-shot ultraviolent fight scenes continue to be gleeful nonsense.
  • The movie has no respect for physics.
  • The taxi at the start would have bullet proof glass, I’m sure.
  • Elton John invites Colin Firth to fuck him up the arse. I hope you enjoy that mental image as much as I did.
  • The robot dogs were a bit shit.

So, yeah, that’s my thunkings. If you agree, or disagree, or have no feelings either way, why not leave me a comment? I like comments.

See ya later. Mwah x

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