Fudgecrumpet’s Back!

Posted: Sep 18, 2019 in Fudgecrumpet
Tags: , , , , ,

Once upon a time, Optimus Prime died.

When he came back to life (a novelty back in the day, but standard practice for everyone’s favourite lorrydaddy nowadays), to celebrate the video release of the cartoon 2-parter The Return of Optimus Prime, some sort of mail-in promotion meant I was the proud wearer of a fantastic t-shirt featuring the resurrected leader of the Autobots along with the slogan Optimus Prime’s Back!

Now, this was great, I proudly wore that t-shirt declaring this good news, like the eager young tween I was up until one of my mother’s friends, an alcoholic Irish lady named Veronica, ruined that t-shirt for ever for me.

“Are you wearing your t-shirt backwards?” She loudly stated in what I seem to remember was a crowded public place with everyone watching, but it was probably just my living room.

“I-I’m… what?” I asked, probably. I don’t remember the exact dialogue choices at the time.

“Well, it says ‘Optimus Prime’s Back’ but it’s on the front”


“And it is showing the front of Optimus Prime” I can only assume she only knew who Optimus Prime was from the t-shirt, and if you asked her about a transforming lorrydaddy nowadays she would probably call him Octopus Brine. She might be dead now though, she was a heavy drinker and she fell out with my mum ages ago. I’m not saying my mum killed her.

I’m not saying that.

“What?” I said again, not having a thesaurus to hand.

“It says ‘Optimus Prime’s Back and it is on the front and it is showing his front. Why is your t-shirt going on about his back for?”

Now, little tiny child me lacked the eloquence and confidence to explain that the t-shirt was referring to Octopus Brine being back, having returned from the dead to save the world from a plague of hatred in a plot that was definitely stolen by 28 Days Later.

Instead I just stopped wearing the t-shirt.

There’s probably a moral to this story, but really I wanted to write a post about how I was going to start blogging again and this whole thing is just in lieu of some sort of half-arsed apology for my creative burn-out from several months ago. So, yeah, there you go.

Do you understand why there is a photo of my back now? Did I explain that well enough to you? Well, tough.

Stupid fucking Veronica. RIPprobably.

Reconstruction. I don’t think the original used Comic Sans either.

This post is ‘sponsored’ by my Tostadora t-shirt store, where in this case the term ‘sponsored’ means that unless you buy something, I basically get nothing. So there you go, check out my t-shirt store. It is nice.

  1. The wait was worth it. Sterling work.


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