Archive for the ‘awesome’ Category

So I know I’ve not mentioned it on here in a while, but if you follow me on twitter I still get almost daily packages from ‘the Chinese people’, Amazon sellers with poor grammar skills who want me to write reviews for them on the various Amazon sites in exchange for free or heavily discounted products.

As often as packages of random tat, I get tweets asking “How do you get all this free stuff?” and while I have mentioned how to do it before, I figured another blog post would make it look like I’m actually producing internet content rather than stagnating and sending people to old shit.

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Before I do that, I figured I’d make you exercise your scrolling fingers a bit.

Here’s a very small selection of some of the more recent random tat…

Fancy spy stuff…

A 3D Pen… (imagine trying to draw with a glue gun)

Some kind of mad tin opener…

Some sort of daft bra…

Heterosexuality enhancement devices…

A piano.

Half a dozen pairs of VR goggles…

Bibs for mucky pups…

Not a fucking clue…

Kitchen scales!

A terrifying tooth whitening kit…

Knickers!

Right, if you wanna get involved with what I find hard to tell myself isn’t some sort of scam, get yourself signed up with review.directory, leave your amazon profile details (here’s mine) and get ready for an influx of poorly google translated review requests from people with suspiciously English names.

They usually request about 300 words in your product review, and a few insist on photos or the occasional video, but you don’t need to be as much of a magicial wordsmith like what i is. Just say nice things, end it with a lie about being honest and unbiased and Bob’s your Dad’s best mate who you call your uncle even though he really isn’t. As a computer generated insurance flogging oligarch meerkat would say “Simples.”

One thing I would recommend is being a member of Amazon Prime. Yes, it is a bit of a pricey lump, but you get free next day postage in most cases, as well as getting to watch Preacher on Amazon Video.

So, yeah, that’s me being useful and helping you get free awesome stuff, so why not buy me a coffee to show your appreciation.

See you later then.

I promised you a couple of reviews by my new blogging partner (and daughter), Darcey and when have I ever let you down? Apart from that time. And that time. Just shut up. Look, it’s a baby in a Deadpool onesie. LOOK!

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Cute, yeah? Of course she is, I made her using my skills and genes and skills (twice as many skills as genes). And penis.

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Unless you’ve been hiding in a cupboard with a bucket on your head for the past few months, you’ll probably be aware of the Batman Vs Superman movie existing.
I’m not going to pass judgement on the movie as I’m waiting for the blu-ray so I can watch it in my pants.

In the movie Batman and Superman have a big ol’ fight for some reason and loads of shenanigans occur and stuff falls over.

The thing is, as a parent you’re supposed to teach your kids how to resolve their differences without resulting to fisticuffs.

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You know I love zombie films, I know most of you love zombie films, but do you ever think that maybe they’re a bit samey? Folk run from zombies, zombies eat most of the people, shenanigans occur.Well, here is something a little different, based on the web series of the same name, Zombie With A Shotgun is a new Indiegogo project aiming to shake up the genre, making the zombies (no doubt with shotguns) the heroes of the tale, battling for survival in a post-apocalyptic world.

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If you want, you can head straight over to the Indiegogo site to contribute, but to whet your appetite, here’s a little Q&A session I did with Hilton Ariel Ruiz, the creator of the webseries and movie.

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Dear Reader,
This has been the hardest thing I have ever written, and I hope you see how brave and important I am for having committed pen (typed) to paper (phone touch screen) to write this important open letter to you.

Sure, you’re the fictional antagonist in my blatant cry for attention, and while some of the people who read this will relate to the situations and events that I list, I can’t help feeling that this is all your fault.

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It’s nearly half term, folks! Doesn’t the time fly when the kids are out of your way, learning stuff and that.
Soon they’ll be home for another week, complaining about being bored, setting fire to the garden, touching your stuff and getting fingerprints on your playstation discs.
You’re gonna need something to keep them entertained and quiet, and other than call in Mary Poppins or Nanny McPhee or an undercover 1980s action hero, it falls down to you to sort them out.
Well, Flight Lieutenant Fudgey is here to help…

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Toodle pip chaps, if this ain't the best photoshop ive done in ages.

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