Archive for the ‘Barry’ Category

Live long and prosper everyone, the new series of Doctor Who starts on your telly tonight and who better than me to offer you a useful cut out and keep guide to the franchise? Don’t answer that. Also, don’t cut it out, you’ll break your computer or your phone or whatever. If you must, print it out then cut it out. Or just print it out. You don’t need my permission. Just do what you want.

Anyway, Doctor Who.

Ooh eeh oooooh

Eeee Ooooh

Wee war wooo

Eeeh ar ooooh.

That’s the theme tune. Obviously. Duh.

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Special.

Unique.

Different.

Wacky.

All those words you use to describe that ‘crazy’ guy at the office party who drinks Pernod and Blackcurrant and is the first to run to the dancefloor if anything from the mid-late 90s rave scene is played.

Well, meet that guy’s shirt…

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SHIRRRT

I give you gnat.co.uk‘s Dress Shirt (with the Classic Collar), a one-in-a-million shirt made from a completely random mixture of patterns, for the man that likes to look just that little bit different and special. (more…)

So last week, I went on a health and safety course, and I learned all about asbestos and manual handling and other things. Naturally, I had to do it because I work with sharp things, drills, chisels, my wit, etc. but if you’re a humble office worker, perhaps you’re typing up minutes to a meeting about the sales figures of Oats So Simple porridge, should you be so concerned with health and safety?

Barry

Of course you bloody should, and to bring this to your attention, 3M have launched a campaign called ‘Wise Choices’, and have employed Ewen Macintosh from The Office to star as Barry, an inept, and quite dangerous office purchasing manager, displaying the disregard to health and safety shown by many an office worker. I remember on my year out from uni, my manager has a similar attitude. He’s probably dead now. Well, maybe he’s dead. OK, so he’s probably not dead, but if he had have been dead, well that would have made my point much clearer. (more…)

The internet is constantly flooded with new words, acronyms and phrases, YOLO, Justin Bieber, etc, all of them seemingly invented for the youth of today. But what about the unyouth (see below)? Don’t we deserve our own ultra-fancy lingo? No we don’t, but here I go anyway…

THE FUDGETASTIC LEXICON FOR THE UNYOUTH OF THE 21ST CENTURY

Barry
A Barry is an angry vagina. The kind that bites.
Example – “my goodness, she had a Barry.”, “Stop being a Barry”

Also…
Barry Sponge
A sanitary towel, other terms include Barry Mouse (tampon), Barry Carpet (unkempt pubic mop) and Barry Scott (Bang and the dirt is gone)

Biebtard
Ok, so I’m sure Justin Bieber is a lovely person and his songs are only shit because I don’t have a prepubescent vagina between my legs, and i’m sure most of his fans are lovely, stable individuals with great taste in harmless fluffy music.
What this term refers to are the crazy ones, the ones who hijack the internet with their creepy stalkerish obsession with the guy. They enter a rabid state of anger, bursting into tears and misspelled swear words if you comment in a negative manner towards their icon.
The sooner they get eaten by bears, the better.

Get An Ears!
Originally used as an insult by a lithuanian, this is now the official greeting of the unyouth of today, and can also be used as an expression of disgust, pleasure or completely out of any context. Because we are too cool to make sense.
Examples…
“that song is pisspoor.”
GET AN EARS!
“You can’t do that with a wallaby!”
GET AN EARS!
“Did you call David with regards to the Trampletech Account?”
GET AN EARS!

Latty
A posh, milky coffee from Yorkshire.

Where My Keys and Ph- oh fuck off!
Used when you inadvertently get in a situation where you have lost your keys or your mobile phone and some uncanny wanker decides to start singing an out of date Britain’s Got Talent song that is up there with Joe Pasquale’s “I know a song that’ll get on your nerves”.

Unyouth
Just as the undead arent really dead, or alive, unyouth is the state most online folk seem to inhabit, ageing uncontrollably, but continuing to act like a child because its either that or turn into a miserable sod.
For example preferring cartoons to tv dramas, playing with Lego instead of smoking a pipe, or looking at boobs instead of reading the Independent.
Like the undead, most of society considers this repulsive and aims to wipe the unyouth from the earth by any means necessary. However, again, like the undead, they are an unstoppable force and will end up eating their brains.
Or maybe not…

Wowshit
Something that is so shit it deserves a WOW.
For example,
The movie ‘Biggles – Adventures in Time’.
The music of Busted.
The in-between-rounds funny banter on Countdown.

YOLT
You Only Live Twice.
Like YOLO, but for people who like James Bond.

And that’s your lot. For now. Probably ever.