Archive for the ‘boobs’ Category


Posted: Jan 6, 2017 in boobs, Fudgecrumpet
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Thanks for watching.



Bip boop bip.

Tikker tikker tikker tikker


*uncomfortable silence*


Under The Skin.



So, after last night’s pisspoor effort of a film, albeit more effort on my part, let’s get down and dirty with a fucking awesome classic.



I also have a kilogram of mini marshmallows. (more…)


To accompany this awesome bit of parody from Neal Mayhem ( ) I present Bland Theft Auto!

Suppose I should have mentioned this sooner, but I have written a book. Well, I say ‘written’, I mean I’ve been through this blog, copying and pasting the juicy good stuff, neglecting the self-indulgent shit, shoving it all together into a fancy bit of ebook.
It’s been up on amazon (search ‘fudgecrumpet’ and it’s the only result, which is cool) for just about two weeks, and after a brief spell in the bestselling kindle book chart (#96 for just over an hour, making it briefly more successful than Comedy Dave from Radio One) it now dwells around #11,000. But I suppose that ain’t half bad considering I’ve self published and that.
Oh, regarding that, a fair few folk asked how to go down the self publishing on amazon route, you can find all the info, free apps for conversion and that at .
So, yeah, I’m currently indulging in some nagging of twitter celebrities, which no doubt will have no effect. Which is annoying, as I need to sell at least another 240ish books before Amazon will send me a royalty cheque. y’know what, you’ve read this, maybe you could nag your friends to buy it. I’m not going to ask you to buy it though, you’ve already put enough effort in reading this bumph. Just tell your mates that it is awesome, promise them blowjobs and that if they buy the thing. Obviously don’t promise to perform the act yourself though, perhaps help them to find a slag in a nightclub. Or, if they’re a girl, promise them shoes. Shoes are like blowjobs for women.

And so, yeah, right, that was a bloody rubbish advert for my book, wasn’t it. Sorry. I can assure you it is good. Really.

Here’s a link if you find the “search amazon for ‘fudgecrumpet’ too bloody complicated. Or you’re just skimming this post and not really paying attention…

PS. Reading my old blog posts instead of buying the book counts as cheating. Fortunately, nobody has worked this out yet. Don’t tell them or I’ll never sell another pissing thing.