Archive for the ‘clockwork robots’ Category

So I know I’ve not mentioned it on here in a while, but if you follow me on twitter I still get almost daily packages from ‘the Chinese people’, Amazon sellers with poor grammar skills who want me to write reviews for them on the various Amazon sites in exchange for free or heavily discounted products.

As often as packages of random tat, I get tweets asking “How do you get all this free stuff?” and while I have mentioned how to do it before, I figured another blog post would make it look like I’m actually producing internet content rather than stagnating and sending people to old shit.

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Before I do that, I figured I’d make you exercise your scrolling fingers a bit.

Here’s a very small selection of some of the more recent random tat…

Fancy spy stuff…

A 3D Pen… (imagine trying to draw with a glue gun)

Some kind of mad tin opener…

Some sort of daft bra…

Heterosexuality enhancement devices…

A piano.

Half a dozen pairs of VR goggles…

Bibs for mucky pups…

Not a fucking clue…

Kitchen scales!

A terrifying tooth whitening kit…

Knickers!

Right, if you wanna get involved with what I find hard to tell myself isn’t some sort of scam, get yourself signed up with review.directory, leave your amazon profile details (here’s mine) and get ready for an influx of poorly google translated review requests from people with suspiciously English names.

They usually request about 300 words in your product review, and a few insist on photos or the occasional video, but you don’t need to be as much of a magicial wordsmith like what i is. Just say nice things, end it with a lie about being honest and unbiased and Bob’s your Dad’s best mate who you call your uncle even though he really isn’t. As a computer generated insurance flogging oligarch meerkat would say “Simples.”

One thing I would recommend is being a member of Amazon Prime. Yes, it is a bit of a pricey lump, but you get free next day postage in most cases, as well as getting to watch Preacher on Amazon Video.

So, yeah, that’s me being useful and helping you get free awesome stuff, so why not buy me a coffee to show your appreciation.

See you later then.

Another night and another awesome fillum, and tonight it’s the most awesomest of all movies of recent times, Pacific Rim. This version is the sexy 3D version in the even sexier 3D robot box. Because fuck yeah.

Pacific Rim 3D

Those are my fantastic Podracer 3D goggles, which are the ONLY good thing to come out of the 3D re-release of The Phantom Menace.

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Fed up of apologising for not blogging in a while, so i won’t. Apologise. Unless you consider that non-apology as an acknowledgement of the need for an apology, and thus an apology in all but the word.
Anyway, where was i? Oh,yeah… Over there…

*walks to other side of the room, where i was*

…much better. Now that i’m back where i was when i was there, i can write something interesting for you to read with your bodily reading utensils (eyes, mind etc.) Today’s funky topics, suggested by folk from that bird-based, social-networking site are Creme eggs, Clockwork Robots and Toe-Jam.

So in no particular order (easiest to splurge first) i’ll start with Toe-Jam.

Toe-Jam and Earl was a video game from the olden days, and was delightfully mental. I liked it at the time, but recently i played it and it was shit. There, that was one of them there video game nostalgic reviews that you can find anywhere on t’internet. I give it a nostalgic shit rating of 3.72/14

Clockwork Robots will never rule the world without people, because eventually they’ll need someone to wind them up. And even if they did invent a clockwork winder-upper robot, there would need to be someone who could wind up the winder upper robot. This is an example of a flawed perpetual motion device, and thus i give this a flawed perpetual motion rating of 2.2/2.3 – the highest rating anything written in the last ten minutes has recieved.

Creme eggs are bloody lovely, aren’t they? How do i eat mine, well i nibble off the top then slide my tongue inside to get out all the mysterious fondant filling. Apparently, the way you eat a creme egg is directly related to your oral sex performance. Which probably explains why the missus always gags when eating them then bites inappropriately hard. Hmmm…

There, blog done. Phew.