Archive for the ‘lady’s bottoms’ Category

There are only a few times in my life when I feel utter dread. One is getting a phone call from the kids’ school in the middle of the day, another is the smoke alarm going off at 3 in the morning, but worse than all of these are when you see written on her Christmas wish list the following three words…

‘Bra and Pants’

Diagram One - Bras and Pants. On Ladies.

Diagram One – Bras and Pants. On Ladies.

Yeah, so I have an utter fear of lingerie shops, where everything is made of lace and silk, things come in some sort of arbitrary size system that makes little to no sense, where things come with accessories that look like something you see in German videos on the internet, and you live in fear of accidentally falling into a shelf and making all the pants and stuff fly everywhere.

Well, now those feelings of dread and terror have come to an end with BOUX AVENUE’S BUYING GUIDE FOR MEN TO LINGERIE. Which isn’t just an excuse to have photos of ladies in sexy pants to attract more male readers.

but, y'know... if it works...

but, y’know… if it works…

So, fellas, if you’re stuck with the Christmas mission of dressing your missus in something sexy and skimpy, have a look at that there guide, which has info about sizes, styles as well as links to all those faffy accessories and stuff that girls like to wear for you when they accidentally blew up the toaster and don’t want you to be mad at them. With this funky guide, you’re guaranteed to impress her, and won’t have to put up with her wearing those godawful cream granny pants to bed every other night.

I can't think of a caption for this. Nothing clean anyway.

I can’t think of a caption for this. Nothing clean anyway.

Also, if you get yourself across to before the 22nd December, you’ll still be able to get your presents delivered before Christmas, so there’s no need to get your knickers in a twist. Yeah, I went there.

Got a few new followers recently so I thought I’d fob off other people’s work and make it look like I actually make an effort with my blog. This exciting episode – #makelifefun! Basically just a bunch of cut and pasted tweets from the hashtag trend thing I started, but enough material to fill the ‘May’ section of my blog up enough to make me look like a serious blogger… anyway here goes…

(suggestions that aren’t named are mine, otherwise you should definitely think about following the links to each person’s twitter profile and following them, because they are obviously geniuses)

See anyone in a Superman t-shirt, shout ‘LOOK IT’S SUPERMAN!’

Stand behind people at cash machines, look over their shoulder, and really loudly read out their pin. Then run (

Sit in every chair in dfs, see how many make fart noises when u get up.

glue a pound coin to the street and watch people try to pick it up (

Go to blockbuster and turn every dvd box upside down.

When going into a restaurant, only ask for the sweet menu! (

Use the word ‘nodule’.

When walking out of a lift, press all the button levels! (

Shout OI at someone. Then run away.

Renew your car tax using the Welsh language form at a post office in Warrington (

Get overexcited about something really boring… OOH THE KETTLE’S BOILING!

When ordering puddings, ask the waiter if its going to make you fat! (

Say ‘simon says’ and then describe what You’re doing. All day.

When drinking Guinness or cappucino allow froth to get on your nose and refuse to wipe it off. (

Pretend you have a spring-loaded waist, like a 1980s he-man figure.

Go to the toy store and set off all of the Tickle Me Elmos. (

Send a message to kutcher asking him if there will ever be a dude, Where’s my car 2.

Swig water from a vodka bottle when driving and look at the faces of other motorists, pedestrians, your bus passengers. (

Pick up one of those big protein tablet bottles in holland n barratt and shout ‘get yer shrinkin medicine ere!’

See if you can do this (

Drive your car about, shouting ‘HELLO BOB’ at EVERYONE.

When on a bus, stare at someone in the street until they turn around. Then smile big and wave before turning back to your book. (

Take your shoes off and try and lick your big toe.

Shout twat at someone then pretend you don’t speak English! (

Drink ribena, but convince yourself it’s posh red wine. See if you get drunk.

Try and spend a whole day with a pencil casually balanced between your upper lip and nose. Get annoyed at people staring. (

Fall over in a supermarket, and count how many people help you.

Go to a phone shop and get one of the phone numbers and send it a text later tellin people there is an explosive in the shop (

Go to a crowded place and ‘accidentally’ bump into as many girl’s bottoms as possible.

When in a busy street with high buildings, stop and point high up and make sounds of amazement, guaranteed to pull a crowd. (

Pull a funny face whilst on a long train ride. For the whole trip.

Take all the keys off your keyboard and put them back at random. Then try to use it. (

Go into phone shop, pick up the phones and yell “£200 for that? I could knock that together in a couple of hours!” (

Now if you do all of these, your life will be so fun you will be walking around in a permanent state of excitement, like you’ve eaten too many viagras or something. Unless you do that bomb threat one, that’s probably illegal. Anyway, enjoy.