Archive for the ‘morning sickness’ Category

Here’s a good old venting blog I’ve been building up for a month or so in my brain, about the wonders of being the male half of a pregnant couple.
Now, don’t go shouting ‘oh you poor man not having to carry a child or push it out of your bumbum’, because I’m in full agreement with the female side of the argument, how it’s all painful and all effort and pushing and uncontrollable urination and such, I just feel that us blokes either get no sympathy at all (why we should get some is below) or get turned into insensitive, heartless idiots when we offer the slightest word of complaint.
Why we deserve a modicum of sympathy? Well, for starters, there’s the morning sick creature that carries your future child. This is no longer the woman you wanted to spend all night with, watching episodes of American Idol with, because she is just so lovely that you’ll put up with any old crap. No, this is a creature of endless vomiting and complaining (both come out of the mouth, both of which now render her completely inable of doing anything else. Thus the man is left doing every single household chore (not easy when there’s a 4 year old undoing the chores shortly after you’ve done them) whilst still being all sensitive and loving and sympathetic and not falling asleep when she needs you. For all the gratitude you recieve…
And then when it comes to morning sickness, and whatever other ailments that she ends up getting during the pregnancy. Turns out the only things that pregnant girls can do if they get poorly is bugger all towards getting better. The only ‘cure’ offered by NHS Direct for Morning Sickness (which is a lie. It should really be called Any Time You’re Awake Sickness) were those ridiculous sea-sickness wristbands that have no effect, eating little and often (i.e. eating something in between throwing up bouts and hoping it stays down) and for some bizarre reason getting her to lie on her left hand side (improves circulation or some such nonsense), this last one is obviously impossible as the telly is on the wrong side of the room.
For some reason it’s impossible to buy these sea-sickness wristbands over the counter at Tescos, even though they are on the shelf next to the Rennies, and since they are a Pharmacy item, they cost twice as much as anything else in the store. For an elastic band with a plastic lump stuck in the middle, and no apparent effect I can heartily unrecommend wasting your money on such crap.
Cravings next, and the reason my house smells like a dodgy burger van. She’s gone mad for fried onions, and general unhealthy deep fried stuff and stodge. So, anything like Yorkshire Puddings is good. Anything that requires little effort to cook, tastes nice or helps with my efforts to reduce my gut size is out. And yes, I know that there’s the option of cooking separate meals, but then that means eating in separate rooms as the nice looking, nice tasting food that I would want to eat also happens to be the food that triggers off her gipping fits. And by now I’ve emptied enough buckets to know that everything I can do to prevent a gipping fit is worth doing. (no carrots in pregancy vomit though, unusually – even when she eats carrots).
As for the length of the morning sickness, I think if her last pregnancy is anything to go by, we’ve got about a week or so left until she stops chucking and enters the so tired she can’t do anything stage. I swear none of the above ranting will be found in Myleene’s book. Grrr.
Anyway, that’s enough ranting for now. Will try and get some more splurging done sometime later in the week.
Happy Humping!

Right, before i get started properly, my Watchmen review (everyone else seems to be doing one)… Bloody good adaptation with too much extra violence, an annoyingly channel 5ish slo mo porn scene and the distraction that is a glowing blue penis just waggling about on screen. Not much point reviewing it to be honest, anyone that’s going to see it has already seen it, and everyone else will wait for the dvd or if They’re smart read the original graphic novel.
Now then, thought i’d blog a bit tonight, seeing as tomorrow is going to be stress day, what with us going to get the official yes on gem being up the duff. It’s one hell of a morning-sickness-style bug gem’s got otherwise. Good god i hate it when she’s all morning sicknessy, which for starters isn’t just in the bloody morning, It’s all day, and occasionally all night. Most of the time she’s just dry hukking, chucking up without actually bringing up anything, which is fine for me, noisy as hell and triggers my guilt nerves, but at least she’s not filling her bucket up with the most foul smelling stuff ever. I’m no good around vomit, and for some reason she thinks that It’s my duty to empty the full, well i say full… It smells full, even if there’s only a splatter… Bucket. Now for any other person this is probably an easy task. For me this is an almost impossible chore, as the stench of sick automatically triggers my gag reflex and sends my tummy into Eject mode quicker than a dodgy bhuna from the local takeaway. But still, i have designed a rudimentary device for stopping the gipping, basically i tie a t-shirt around my face, so i look like a crap ninja, and then i am able to perform my husbandly vomit disposal duties without any risk of myself throwing up. Of course, this only works if i don’t see the sick in the bucket, as for some reason seeing the sick triggers the same results as me smelling it.
Now it seems The only way to keep gem from reaching V-point, the point at which her innocent hurrrking turns to carrot soup city, is too keep her full of toast. So my toaster is on constant standby, and i bought an extra loaf to get us through the night…
Anyway, that’s my morning sickness rantblog done. Back to twitter, which i’ll rant about next time probably. Well, actually It’s a kind of definite, as it seems to be taking control of everything in my life like some crazy 140 worded brain lurgy. Or maybe i’ll realise what a waste of time it is and start bitching about it. Either way, see ya soon!