Archive for the ‘Predator’ Category

Hello there all you crazy alcoholics and party revellers and Predator fans and people who clicked this blog because I have included the words MILEY CYRUS JUSTIN BIEBER BOOBS MONEY PORN HADDOCK to abuse Google searching. Tonight’s movie night continues my Aliens/Predator marathon with the much-better-than-anyone-expected Predators, which abandons the godawful shonky shenanigans of the AvP movies and goes down the route of “Why don’t we make the film actually good for a change?”

Now obviously, after the last couple of movies, this leaves me with a dilemma, how do I write an entertaining movie night blog if the movie isn’t fucknawful? Well, the same way anyone makes a good night into a messy blur of awesomesauce and vomiting, with the addition of lots and lots of alcohol.

Predators (more…)

Well, I’ve been putting it off…

and putting it off…

and…

putting…

it…

off…

 

but…

Predatongue

Well, at least if I blog about this bloody nonsense now, I can say I’ll never have to do it again. Gonna do it in a live text commentary style, because then you at least know I’m watching it and not cheating by just writing down the occasional observation that I remembered about the movie. Which I would never do. Except that one time I did. When I felt guilt. Anyway, shut up, the shit’s starting.

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So now we find ourselves biting the bullet and beginning the cinematic mush that is Alien Vs Predator, in which everyone’s favourite penis–headed monsters battle everyone’s favourite vagina-mouthed space hunters.

avp

Now obviously it won’t take too much effort to guess my opinion of this film, so tonight, for lulz I have invited Gem to watch the movie with me, and will document her observations and questions. Because that’ll be more fun than the film, right?

Bearing in mind that Gem doesn’t like any of the Alien films. Or any of the Predator films. Or any good films. (more…)

So, now we’ve definitely peaked with the whole Alien and Predator franchise, let’s begin that slightly lumpy downhill slope with Predator 2.
See how I have recreated Stan Winston’s awesome Predator special effects using ham, tic tacs and a multi-pack of cheap noodles.

Uncanny, isn't it?

Uncanny, isn’t it?

Yes. It is uncanny. Shush, I had to eat the ham because it was gonna go off tomorrow, also I have to give you some reason to click the link to this blog from facebook or whatever, and who wants to see me looking bored holding a blu-ray box? Nobody. That’s who. Well, maybe the beard pervert ladies of a certain age. But they’re not going to be interested in Predator 2, so that’s why. Shut up, it’s starting.

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Much to the annoyance of some of my twitter minions, I’m not going to do all the Alien films in a row, I’m gonna stick to my guns and keep this an Aliens & Predator marathon type thang. So, next on the fuzzy-chronological list, well….

Who has two thumbs and is about to watch Predator?

This Guy!!!!

This Guy!!!!

Oh yeah, it’s like I made my shitty temporary phone do something cool on purpose. Still, it’s less shitty than the even shittier temporary temporary phone i had. I miss my good funky phone, despite it’s dead-in-an-hour battery life. Anyway, I digress and as soon as I’ve eaten something I digest…

“Get yourself into the helicopter!”
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