Archive for the ‘rant’ Category

Hi kids.

I’m fed up.

Just been checking the various places I go to for blogging assignments and, well… it seems there’s nothing fun to write about. Sure, if I wanted to write about fitness or review cheap, yet fashionable jewellery, I’m fine. I don’t want that though.

image

I’m just getting fed up of making dull things sound interesting.

You know how hard it was to make a fun review about chewing gum?

I had to write a review about a hook.

(more…)

Hello boys and girls.

I have about an hour of sitting on my arse as we commute between jobs, so figured a bit of random internet content creation would stop me getting frustrated by the Radio Leeds phone-in show that is being piped into my ears.

image

On an unrelated note, I updated my phone and it now has a spell-checker. It doesn’t think arse is a word. (more…)

Hello!

Let’s write some words based upon 3-word topic suggestions by the people of twitter!

Let’s not get stroppy when some of the people can’t count to three!

Furious Bloggery!

image

(more…)

I promised you a couple of reviews by my new blogging partner (and daughter), Darcey and when have I ever let you down? Apart from that time. And that time. Just shut up. Look, it’s a baby in a Deadpool onesie. LOOK!

image

Cute, yeah? Of course she is, I made her using my skills and genes and skills (twice as many skills as genes). And penis.

(more…)

Previously on Fudgecrumpet
“Let’s go shopping”
“Let’s get the chuffachoo to Leeds”
“Dairy Free Chocolate Mousse”
“Pouffe”

And now, the conclusion…

When last we saw our curmudgeonly hero, he had been firmly planted on an uncomfortable seat outside the Next changing room, buried underneath infinite clothing, waiting for the missus to try on whatever nonsense she wants to buy that blatantly isn’t Christmas presents.

image

“How does this look on me?” She shouts from one of the cubicles.
“It looks lovely, dear.” You reply, instinctively, having made the mistake of actually thinking about the answer in the past.
“No, really. How does it look? Come and see.”

You pause for a moment, aware that this is probably some kind of trap to destroy you, but seeing no tripwires, landmines or spring-loaded boxing gloves, you venture into the changing room corridor.
(more…)

Merry bloody Christmas, folks. Ho ho ho, you hoes.

So, you’ve bought yourself the Radio Times double issue, you’ve got yourself a multipack of capri-sun* pouches that you’re steadfastly refusing to open until the big day, and your Christmas tree is upright for the fourth time since the cat/kids/poor structural engineering of your house knocked it down.

*booze for you non-teetotallers.

image

So, I guess it’s Christmas. A few days off work, should be nice and relaxing, watching your playing Candy Crush Soda Saga on the toilet, while hiding from the kids.
Then the missus comes in the room, in her low cut top which means she wants to get her own way.
“We need to go Christmas shopping.” She says.
“You did all the Christmas shopping in November, because you were saying how efficient and awesome you were.” You reply.
“I bought shoes.” She says. “And a cheesecake.”
You mumble all the swear words and kick the cat, who squeals angrily and pulls down the Christmas tree.

(more…)

Bip.

Bip boop bip.

Tikker tikker tikker tikker

SQUWAAAAARK

*uncomfortable silence*

TWANG.

Under The Skin.

image

(more…)