Archive for the ‘sex’ Category

Hi again,

So, following the er… success of the previous ‘Germans have sent me rude things’ post, I thought I’d just share the next few tweets from the following night, when I unboxed the second package from those lovely, dirty people…

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If you remember my little teaser from last time you’ll know what to expect, I imagine when they make this whole thing into a Netflix series, they’ll edit into a more suspenseful style. (more…)

Hello ladies, how YOU doin?

Don’t worry, it’s only me, calm your loins. I’m just here today to share Adored.co.uk‘s Men’s Guide To Becoming Christian Grey, a guide to becoming a master seducer that obviously I have no need of because I am all the sex god, with my beard and my fancy see-thru underpants.

Still, I thought it might help the fellas out a bit, maybe get them a bit more the old snuggle time with their respective ladypals. It’s also a handy summary of the plot of Fifty Shades of Grey so you don’t have to watch the movie or read the book. Ever.

So, without further foreplay, here’s the guide. Enjoy.

mens-guide-to-becoming-chritian-grey-nologo

Graphic provided (via Adored | Buy vibrators online).

Hello everyone. Here’s a bit of a contest for you.

I want to read your Erotic Stories. No particular reason, I just think it’d be fun.

UPDATE – Watch the erotic stories and vote for your favourite now HERE!

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Here you go…

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There are only a few times in my life when I feel utter dread. One is getting a phone call from the kids’ school in the middle of the day, another is the smoke alarm going off at 3 in the morning, but worse than all of these are when you see written on her Christmas wish list the following three words…

‘Bra and Pants’

Diagram One - Bras and Pants. On Ladies.

Diagram One – Bras and Pants. On Ladies.

Yeah, so I have an utter fear of lingerie shops, where everything is made of lace and silk, things come in some sort of arbitrary size system that makes little to no sense, where things come with accessories that look like something you see in German videos on the internet, and you live in fear of accidentally falling into a shelf and making all the pants and stuff fly everywhere.

Well, now those feelings of dread and terror have come to an end with BOUX AVENUE’S BUYING GUIDE FOR MEN TO LINGERIE. Which isn’t just an excuse to have photos of ladies in sexy pants to attract more male readers.

but, y'know... if it works...

but, y’know… if it works…

So, fellas, if you’re stuck with the Christmas mission of dressing your missus in something sexy and skimpy, have a look at that there guide, which has info about sizes, styles as well as links to all those faffy accessories and stuff that girls like to wear for you when they accidentally blew up the toaster and don’t want you to be mad at them. With this funky guide, you’re guaranteed to impress her, and won’t have to put up with her wearing those godawful cream granny pants to bed every other night.

I can't think of a caption for this. Nothing clean anyway.

I can’t think of a caption for this. Nothing clean anyway.

Also, if you get yourself across to www.bouxavenue.com before the 22nd December, you’ll still be able to get your presents delivered before Christmas, so there’s no need to get your knickers in a twist. Yeah, I went there.

Well, hello.

So, I think I’ve reached the pinnacle of ‘agreeing to review random things’ now, with this review of the Revel Body SOL Sonic Vibrator.

Not much else for me to say, it’s all here in this video (14 minutes, so go for a wee first), which is surprisingly safe for work. Although why you’re watching vibrator reviews at work is beyond me.

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Bip.

Bip boop bip.

Tikker tikker tikker tikker

SQUWAAAAARK

*uncomfortable silence*

TWANG.

Under The Skin.

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