I was sent some hair straighteners to review because for some reason I am considered a professional authority on beauty products. This may be because I am so beautiful.

These are some LEE STAFFORD “No Strings Attached” Cordless Straighteners. For making your hair straight. Which is something people like doing.

So there you go. In a fabulous shade of pink. It’ll match my frilly knickers so I can’t complain. Read the rest of this entry »

Hobbit Marathon

Posted: March 28, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet
Tags: ,

...because why the hell would someone do that?

I’m not a sadist, despite what some people might say, so rather than endure the 9 hours and 1 minute of the Extended Edition of The Hobbit ‘trilogy’, machine gun car chase and all, I decided to think of all the things I could do to waste the exact same amount of time.

So, I present to you, 9 hours and 1 minute of not watching The Hobbit. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted: March 27, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet
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Gargling, something I know my missus is incapable of doing for some reason.

How do I write about gargling? Do I say something about mouthwash? Should I use wire camera to film inside my throat as I sing a song from Disney’s Frozen? How about I write about the science of gargling and how it is for or against feminism and equal rights in some way?

Nah, the second one.

So there you go, not only did I nearly die, but I really need to trim my nose hairs.

Thanks for watching. Why not follow this blog on wordpress? Or donate to my Patreon so I feel compelled to do more of this chuffing nonsense?

Fish and Chips

Posted: March 24, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet
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Continuing my A to Z, this is F.

Presenting my comprehensive and edumacational guide to Fish and Chips, featuring the inexplicably popular drunk text to speech milf.

Please like, subscribe, comment, tweetpokepatronise, buy me a coffee and tell your friends.


I’m gonna fess up here, I just put this title in my A to Z list as a joke but then everyone was like “ooh i suffer with that, I’d love to see what you write about it” and now I feel compelled to actually write something helpful and informative. Which is something I’m not used to doing. Ugh.

So, the latest entry in my A to Z of bloggery is all about the scourge on mankind that is Tinnitus. Which begins with and ends with E.

Read the rest of this entry »


Posted: March 21, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet
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Letter D of my A to Z blogging thing and we have Dog.

This is Sheldon.

He is a dog. He is a border terrier/jack russell mix and is nearly 2 years old. He likes spooning and beef and dislikes Wotsits and visitors. Read the rest of this entry »

Another day another letter in my ongoing A to Z blog series. Today is C and I thought rather than just show you some comics and say why they’re good I’d do a video. However, I ran out of time this weekend, couldn’t find my microphone and various other reasons, so instead here is me showing you some comics with a lovely drunk MILF text to speech lady reading my words as my smug face stares into your soul for about 7 minutes.


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