Posts Tagged ‘amazon’

The pseudoscience that lives on the internet says the human body renews itself once every seven years, so I can righteously say that on the 7th anniversary of the self-publication of my incredibly slapdash collection of blog posts and potentially funny rants, someone else wrote this shit, not me.

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Hello. My name is Fudgey and I write misleading blog titles. It’s a hair dryer review! Do you see?

I’m sorry. I really am. No, come back.

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Because I am a PROFESSIONAL LIFESTYLE BLOGGER I get to apply to review all manner of random cool things. They never reply, but fortunately I also apply for really boring things too, which is why I now present to you my review of the Calibre Products Posture Corrector for Men and Women.

Insert appropriate title photo here.

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So I know I’ve not mentioned it on here in a while, but if you follow me on twitter I still get almost daily packages from ‘the Chinese people’, Amazon sellers with poor grammar skills who want me to write reviews for them on the various Amazon sites in exchange for free or heavily discounted products.

As often as packages of random tat, I get tweets asking “How do you get all this free stuff?” and while I have mentioned how to do it before, I figured another blog post would make it look like I’m actually producing internet content rather than stagnating and sending people to old shit.

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Before I do that, I figured I’d make you exercise your scrolling fingers a bit.

Here’s a very small selection of some of the more recent random tat…

Fancy spy stuff…

A 3D Pen… (imagine trying to draw with a glue gun)

Some kind of mad tin opener…

Some sort of daft bra…

Heterosexuality enhancement devices…

A piano.

Half a dozen pairs of VR goggles…

Bibs for mucky pups…

Not a fucking clue…

Kitchen scales!

A terrifying tooth whitening kit…

Knickers!

Right, if you wanna get involved with what I find hard to tell myself isn’t some sort of scam, get yourself signed up with review.directory, leave your amazon profile details (here’s mine) and get ready for an influx of poorly google translated review requests from people with suspiciously English names.

They usually request about 300 words in your product review, and a few insist on photos or the occasional video, but you don’t need to be as much of a magicial wordsmith like what i is. Just say nice things, end it with a lie about being honest and unbiased and Bob’s your Dad’s best mate who you call your uncle even though he really isn’t. As a computer generated insurance flogging oligarch meerkat would say “Simples.”

One thing I would recommend is being a member of Amazon Prime. Yes, it is a bit of a pricey lump, but you get free next day postage in most cases, as well as getting to watch Preacher on Amazon Video.

So, yeah, that’s me being useful and helping you get free awesome stuff, so why not buy me a coffee to show your appreciation.

See you later then.

Hi.

It’s me.

Good. Glad we sorted that out.

I apologise for the lack of posts lately, been super busy getting ready for the new babby. Won’t be long though, she’s due tomorrow and I am extremely confident that she will be as efficient and punctual as I am. Oh, wait…

Anyway, this past fortnight has been fairly weird, as I have somehow been recruited by a bunch of Chinese businesses to write Amazon reviews in exchange for free products.

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Hi there, it’s me.

So, I need to make some money from this here blog. I mean, I could spend all day writing crap, but if I’m not raking in at least a minuscule amount of pennies from this, one of these days Gem is just gonna say “Stop being a bloody idiot and go and sell your Combiner Wars Leader Class Ultra Magnus on eBay so we can buy milk or woman products.”

Now, when that does happen I wanna be ready to say “No. He looks good on my shelf, next to Scrounge riding Grimlock. Shush. I have some monies here from a blog thing I did.”

Audible1

This is that thing. It’s kind of a mutually beneficial thing too, as you get something awesome for free. It’s one of those annoying Audible free trials. (more…)

Hello you. You alright?
Of course you are, shut up.

BEARDS.

Beards seem to be considered a good thing nowadays, amongst all the lazy shavers and horny women of a certain age. I have a beard. On my face. But enough about me.

Here is my guide to professional bearding, presented in a number of bullet points because that means I don’t have to concentrate as much on grammar.

beard

1. What is a ‘beards’?
A ‘beard’ is hair grown from the lower face of a man, that covers most of the chin. In addition to a beard, there may also be a ‘moustache’ above the top lip. In fact, this is pretty much an essential for bearding, unless one is bearding in an amish society or wearing a stovepipe hat like that bloke off of that film that one time.
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