Posts Tagged ‘beard’

 I, Fudgey.

Posted: April 7, 2017 in Fudgecrumpet
Tags: , , , ,

Some sort of profile containing facts and such…

  • Name – Al
  • AKA – Fudgecrumpet
  • AKA – Fudgey
  • AKA – Sir

No, YOU’VE been over generous with the pixels

  • Age – 37 (and a Quarter)
  • Eyes – Blue/Adorable
  • Hair – Brown/Occasionally floppy
  • Gender – Male
  • Preferred Pronoun – Sexy
  • Height – Shorter than you expected
  • Weight – Too much 
  • Shoe Size – UK10
  • Underpants Size – M-L
  • Distinguishing Features – Beard, 2 birth marks (lower back, neck)

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As part of their Movember campaign, Heck Sausages have renamed themselves as Check Sausages, in an attempt to raise awareness of Testicular Cancer and to raise a few quid for the Movember cause.

In an attempt to do my bit, and while doing the washing up, I made this little video for you to watch. 

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Hey there, you OK?

WOAH! There’s no need to shout!

Whaddya mean I look like I’m further away?

Oh! You mean I look smaller, yeah, I went and dropped 2 jeans sizes with this here fitness and lifestyle changing thing that I was going to write about.

When was I going to write about it? Well, I was gonna start now, but you seem to be a bit over-confrontational about the whole thing.

OK, OK, calm down. I didn’t realise you were under so much pressure with work and that. I’m sorry too. Here, sit down. Feeling better? Good. Can I write about the diet thing now?

Thank you. Sheesh, some people

No, I didn’t say anything. Whaddya mean you heard ‘Sheesh some people’? No, that was just one of the sliding doors on Star Trek. You know, the ones that were a mixture of someone’s shoe and a guy going Pissshh. Yeah, it was definitely that. You need to stop binging on Netflix and get some rest. You look very tired. Good.

HELLO EVERYONE! Welcome to my write up on my nigh-on two months of being incredibly well behaved and awesome, following Ru-Tee Block’s 8-week long The Body Confidence Program.

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Oh, and just so you’re fully aware of the facts before you get a crick in your neck from trying to run away, this blog post does include several photos of me in just my pants. You’re OK with that? You sure? Ok…

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I think I’ve been promising a make-up tutorial video for a while, so here you go.

Meg helps me to don a Poundland (might have been Poundworld) Zip-Face Horror make-up kit. It doesn’t quite go as planned.

Anyway, enjoy the video, like and subscribe too, because that makes my phone buzz in my pocket.

Hello!

Let’s write some words based upon 3-word topic suggestions by the people of twitter!

Let’s not get stroppy when some of the people can’t count to three!

Furious Bloggery!

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Hello you. You alright?
Of course you are, shut up.

BEARDS.

Beards seem to be considered a good thing nowadays, amongst all the lazy shavers and horny women of a certain age. I have a beard. On my face. But enough about me.

Here is my guide to professional bearding, presented in a number of bullet points because that means I don’t have to concentrate as much on grammar.

beard

1. What is a ‘beards’?
A ‘beard’ is hair grown from the lower face of a man, that covers most of the chin. In addition to a beard, there may also be a ‘moustache’ above the top lip. In fact, this is pretty much an essential for bearding, unless one is bearding in an amish society or wearing a stovepipe hat like that bloke off of that film that one time.
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Hello. My name is Al, and I have a beard. Therefore, asking me to review one of the world’s most notorious pieces of Anti-Beard propaganda is probably not the best idea.

Twits

Fortunately, when asked to review Roald Dahl’s The Twits, recently re-released in both hardback (with a real beard) and paperback (with scratch and sniff stickers) I had Jess and Meg on hand to help. Jess has read the book a few times before (dare I say it’s one of her favourites?) and we’ve been reading four chapters a night at bedtime for the past week.

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