Posts Tagged ‘code’

Hi. This is me from the future. Well, kind of. I’m still writing this in your past, but relative to most of this review I am in the future, with a fairly atrocious headache and infinite regrets. 

Anyway, past me got sent a bunch of beers from beer52.com to review. I don’t like beer and this morning I like it even less. In my 36 years and 11 months on this Earth, I have drank about 2/3 of a bottle of beer (1997, cheap stuff from Morrisons), and I didn’t finish it because it was horrible. 

Yet for some reason when the review site I visit has an assignment for beer52.com’s monthly subscription craft beer club, the voices in my head decided “ooh that might be a good idea, I could do it as some sort of ‘beginner’s guide to beer’ thing”. The voices in my head are always wrong and want me to suffer.

But, they sent me the beers, and I had literally nothing better to do because Gem was watching the Apprentice final, so here you go…

All bold and italic stuff was prepared beforehand. The rest is a direct copy and paste from my review notes. I apologise in advance.

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Hello you. You alright?
Of course you are, shut up.

BEARDS.

Beards seem to be considered a good thing nowadays, amongst all the lazy shavers and horny women of a certain age. I have a beard. On my face. But enough about me.

Here is my guide to professional bearding, presented in a number of bullet points because that means I don’t have to concentrate as much on grammar.

beard

1. What is a ‘beards’?
A ‘beard’ is hair grown from the lower face of a man, that covers most of the chin. In addition to a beard, there may also be a ‘moustache’ above the top lip. In fact, this is pretty much an essential for bearding, unless one is bearding in an amish society or wearing a stovepipe hat like that bloke off of that film that one time.
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