Posts Tagged ‘discount’

So I know I’ve not mentioned it on here in a while, but if you follow me on twitter I still get almost daily packages from ‘the Chinese people’, Amazon sellers with poor grammar skills who want me to write reviews for them on the various Amazon sites in exchange for free or heavily discounted products.

As often as packages of random tat, I get tweets asking “How do you get all this free stuff?” and while I have mentioned how to do it before, I figured another blog post would make it look like I’m actually producing internet content rather than stagnating and sending people to old shit.

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Before I do that, I figured I’d make you exercise your scrolling fingers a bit.

Here’s a very small selection of some of the more recent random tat…

Fancy spy stuff…

A 3D Pen… (imagine trying to draw with a glue gun)

Some kind of mad tin opener…

Some sort of daft bra…

Heterosexuality enhancement devices…

A piano.

Half a dozen pairs of VR goggles…

Bibs for mucky pups…

Not a fucking clue…

Kitchen scales!

A terrifying tooth whitening kit…

Knickers!

Right, if you wanna get involved with what I find hard to tell myself isn’t some sort of scam, get yourself signed up with review.directory, leave your amazon profile details (here’s mine) and get ready for an influx of poorly google translated review requests from people with suspiciously English names.

They usually request about 300 words in your product review, and a few insist on photos or the occasional video, but you don’t need to be as much of a magicial wordsmith like what i is. Just say nice things, end it with a lie about being honest and unbiased and Bob’s your Dad’s best mate who you call your uncle even though he really isn’t. As a computer generated insurance flogging oligarch meerkat would say “Simples.”

One thing I would recommend is being a member of Amazon Prime. Yes, it is a bit of a pricey lump, but you get free next day postage in most cases, as well as getting to watch Preacher on Amazon Video.

So, yeah, that’s me being useful and helping you get free awesome stuff, so why not buy me a coffee to show your appreciation.

See you later then.

Hey there folks, remember how you said I looked a bit tired and rubbish? No, of course you don’t, you think I’m awesome. But if I DID look a bit tired and rubbish, you’d probably recommend I go on one of those detox things, like fitness people do, or celebrity ladies with little bottoms.

Well, it just so happens that Nutriplan are offering a fantastic new way to detox, without the faff of going out of your way to research and buy your own fancy ingredients and supplements.

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Hello you. You alright?
Of course you are, shut up.

BEARDS.

Beards seem to be considered a good thing nowadays, amongst all the lazy shavers and horny women of a certain age. I have a beard. On my face. But enough about me.

Here is my guide to professional bearding, presented in a number of bullet points because that means I don’t have to concentrate as much on grammar.

beard

1. What is a ‘beards’?
A ‘beard’ is hair grown from the lower face of a man, that covers most of the chin. In addition to a beard, there may also be a ‘moustache’ above the top lip. In fact, this is pretty much an essential for bearding, unless one is bearding in an amish society or wearing a stovepipe hat like that bloke off of that film that one time.
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Hello. It’s me again. No, come back, I’m sorry.
Anyway, shut up. I’m reviewing another awesome T-shirt from the Mecca of obscure geeky tees, Tostodora.co.uk

So, yeah, have a look…

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No, I don’t know what’s going on with my hair either.
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Bloomin ‘eck it was warm last night, wasn’t it?
Being a grumpy winter curmudgeon, I don’t sleep well in the warm. If you wanted me to sleep with my socks on, I’d call you a mad person and throw something at you.
Open a window ye great Jessie, I hear you scream in your Scottish accent. The thing is, we live opposite some sort of green countryside nonsense, trees and grass and that, and that means bugs. Midges, bees and the bane of a father’s existence – child-terrifying monster giant deadly eyeball licking spiders.
So, yeah, I’m not sleeping with the window open.

Is what I would have said last week (although last week was a bad example because it was cold). Now, though, I have the solution, a fancy DIY fly screen from http://DIYflyscreens.co.uk

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So, as you may know, I have a beard all over my face, like some kind of hairy love god, but without the love god bit. It’s getting to summer now, and not only do I not want to be uncomfortably warm, I also don’t want people to think I’m my dad’s brother when we go places together. So, in aid of reducing my facial age considerably, and finding out how many new chins I have grown since last I trimmed, I have gone and got a Shavekit and chopped the bugger off.

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