Posts Tagged ‘news’

According to the news, the important bossy people in charge are going to be a big meanie by banning the viewing of ‘non-conventional acts’ videos, even if they are legal to perform between consenting adults. This is obviously very confusing for a lot of people as nobody really knows who enjoys doing what in the privacy of their own home. That is where, like a photocopier repairman or a plumber, I come in.

So now, make yourself comfortable as I provide all the information you need to know about this censorship of kinkery. (more…)

Hi there. Let me just… oh, you just finish that first… done?

Right then, how about you-

oh. OK. Hey! Hey! Stop what you’re doing!

FFS, sit there, shut up, put your phone down. Good.

I know you’re busy, doing eight things at once, tweeting, facebooking, organising your Pokemon collection catalogue, pointing out that I’m only listing four things when I said eight. Well, I’m gonna save you some time, stop you being busy, and making that little purple vein on your head stop thumping like that time on Ren and Stimpy that I didn’t really watch because I didn’t really like Ren and Stimpy.

bullet

I’ve got here a new app called Bullet News. It lives on your phone, just like Candy Crush or that app you use to make fart noises when your missus sits down, and it gives you up to date news in a compressed super-futuristic fancy fashion (in a short list with dots on it) from all sorts of different places. (more…)