Posts Tagged ‘review’

I was sent some hair straighteners to review because for some reason I am considered a professional authority on beauty products. This may be because I am so beautiful.

These are some LEE STAFFORD “No Strings Attached” Cordless Straighteners. For making your hair straight. Which is something people like doing.

So there you go. In a fabulous shade of pink. It’ll match my frilly knickers so I can’t complain. (more…)

Right, so I’ve been suffering this past week or so. A combination of a family tummy bug, a terribly knackered mattress and not bending properly when lifting my toolbox at work have had me aching and creaking like some kind of feeble old man.

Luckily, painkillers exist, the only problem I have is that I’m ridiculously absent minded and never take my tablets at the correct time. Well, I’ve been sent these new Combogesic dual action pain relief tablets to try out, with the hope that I will stop nagging and Gem can have some peace.

I had to pick these up from Boots and speak to a man in a lab coat and everything. So, yeah. (more…)

In which our brave hero watches a children’s TV show that tries its hardest to be as upsetting and unpleasant as possible… (more…)

Hi. This is me from the future. Well, kind of. I’m still writing this in your past, but relative to most of this review I am in the future, with a fairly atrocious headache and infinite regrets. 

Anyway, past me got sent a bunch of beers from beer52.com to review. I don’t like beer and this morning I like it even less. In my 36 years and 11 months on this Earth, I have drank about 2/3 of a bottle of beer (1997, cheap stuff from Morrisons), and I didn’t finish it because it was horrible. 

Yet for some reason when the review site I visit has an assignment for beer52.com’s monthly subscription craft beer club, the voices in my head decided “ooh that might be a good idea, I could do it as some sort of ‘beginner’s guide to beer’ thing”. The voices in my head are always wrong and want me to suffer.

But, they sent me the beers, and I had literally nothing better to do because Gem was watching the Apprentice final, so here you go…

All bold and italic stuff was prepared beforehand. The rest is a direct copy and paste from my review notes. I apologise in advance.

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As I tend to do occasionally I have passed on book reviewing duties to Jess, with Garth Nix’s Goldenhand – the fifth book in his Old Kingdom series.

Now, before we get started, neither Jess nor I have read any of Garth Nix’s stuff before, so if we offend any of you superfans by not knowing what the hell we are on about, I apologise in advance. (more…)

The Other Alice is a new book by Michelle Harrison, asking the question “What would happen if the characters from the stories you’ve written managed to escape into the real world?”

It is aimed for readers ages 9+, so naturally I gave the book to Gem (grown up, asked me not to write her age) to read. (She also didn’t want me to take a picture of her with the book because she hasn’t done her hair).

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So I know I’ve not mentioned it on here in a while, but if you follow me on twitter I still get almost daily packages from ‘the Chinese people’, Amazon sellers with poor grammar skills who want me to write reviews for them on the various Amazon sites in exchange for free or heavily discounted products.

As often as packages of random tat, I get tweets asking “How do you get all this free stuff?” and while I have mentioned how to do it before, I figured another blog post would make it look like I’m actually producing internet content rather than stagnating and sending people to old shit.

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Before I do that, I figured I’d make you exercise your scrolling fingers a bit.

Here’s a very small selection of some of the more recent random tat…

Fancy spy stuff…

A 3D Pen… (imagine trying to draw with a glue gun)

Some kind of mad tin opener…

Some sort of daft bra…

Heterosexuality enhancement devices…

A piano.

Half a dozen pairs of VR goggles…

Bibs for mucky pups…

Not a fucking clue…

Kitchen scales!

A terrifying tooth whitening kit…

Knickers!

Right, if you wanna get involved with what I find hard to tell myself isn’t some sort of scam, get yourself signed up with review.directory, leave your amazon profile details (here’s mine) and get ready for an influx of poorly google translated review requests from people with suspiciously English names.

They usually request about 300 words in your product review, and a few insist on photos or the occasional video, but you don’t need to be as much of a magicial wordsmith like what i is. Just say nice things, end it with a lie about being honest and unbiased and Bob’s your Dad’s best mate who you call your uncle even though he really isn’t. As a computer generated insurance flogging oligarch meerkat would say “Simples.”

One thing I would recommend is being a member of Amazon Prime. Yes, it is a bit of a pricey lump, but you get free next day postage in most cases, as well as getting to watch Preacher on Amazon Video.

So, yeah, that’s me being useful and helping you get free awesome stuff, so why not buy me a coffee to show your appreciation.

See you later then.